He recently just learned that you can’t get a girl pregnant through a blowjob, he believes the film Fletch is overrated and he dominates this league so thoroughly, he makes 50 Shades of Gray feel like a Disney film, he’s Bob Castrone.

With the recent fall of your commissioner, Bob has become the undisputed king of Robioland. He’s first in points, wins, playoff points, penis size (probably) and just about everything else that matters. He won his first championship in just his second year in the league (2004) and after a bump in the road defending that title, he began his reign of terror. He’s made it to the post-season for an incredible ten straight years. During that span, he’s produced two of the top-six seasons ever, including the greatest ever in 2014.

Best yet, Bob doesn’t waste his playoff trips. He’s lost in the quarterfinals just twice (2008 and 2013) and he’s undefeated in the title game, winning four championships, including back-to-back mugs in 2011-2012. Even last year, when he failed to win it all, he left a mark, becoming the first team in league history to earn back-t0-back top seeds and scoring titles, averaging over 1,500 in both seasons.

Moving forward, Bob just needs to keep owning this bitch. There is little hope that Bob is just going to fall off the map. Every decision seems to be a good one. Nearly every break, goes his way. If he is to go down, we all are just going to have to get better at this.

BY THE NUMBERS

THREE GREATEST MOMENTS

While Bob has produced plenty of playoff ass-kickings in his time in this league, it’s fair to call Bob the “escape artist,” because this guy knows how to win the close ones in the post-season. In playoff games that were decided by 50 or less points, Bob is a stunning 4-0. In 2004, he didn’t pass Griff for the lead in the title game until the second-to-last drive, eventually winning it by just 47 points. In 2011, Bob defeated Masterson by two points in the quarterfinals and then one week later, he defeated Colby by just 21 points. Obviously, the tightest of them all was the 2014 title game where he defeated Matt for his fourth championship by a single point.
Only five people in this league have produced 25 straight 1,000-point game streaks. It’s an impressive stat. Yet, Bob actually scored over 1,250 points in 25 straight games. Now that’s a streak. The second longest streak is 16 and Bob shares that with Colby. The record breaking streak began in week two of 2014. The season started off rough, as Bob scored just 861 in a week one loss (the weekly low score). However, the streak began decent enough, averaging a decent 1,312 PPG in his next three. Yet, in his next five he would break 1,575 in each contest, averaging 1,788 PPG. In week twelve, he barely broke the record, beating Masterson scoring just 1,274. However, he produced back-to-back 2,000-point games and won it all scoring 1,512 in the semis and 1,495 in the title game. In 2015, Bob got off to a flying start, breaking 1,600 in his first three games, then followed that up with a pair of 1,400-pt efforts. He would break 1,500 in his next four, then 1,422 in a week ten win over Calderon. However, the streak came to an end in week eleven. He won the game, defeated Matt, but only scored 1,050 points in the win. As of now, the nearest person to approaching that record is Griff. He’s at nine. It would take him one full season, plus three playoff games worth of 1,250-pt games just to tie Bob’s record.
Prior to 2004, one thing was true…you needed two solid running backs to win a title. Bob knew that, because he started that year’s draft with two backs. He kept Corey Dillon in round one and drafted Kevan Barlow in round two. Dillon did good on the year, finishing sixth among all backs, but Barlow was a bust that would soon be cut. On his bench, Bob had Eddie George (way past his prime) and Deshaun Foster (not ready for primetime). That was it. Luckily, Bob drafted well at the wide receiver spot. He took Chad Johnson in round three, who finished 8th. One round later he took Javon Walker, who finished 3rd. In round six, he had Reggie Wayne, who finished 7th. Bob went three wide (something you could only start doing in 2002) and even though he wasn’t blowing the competition away (he was 4-3 midway through the season, failing to hit 1,000 more times (2) then he broke 1,500 (1)), he never panicked. In fact, through nine weeks he had cut both George and Foster for non-running backs and along the way picked up Ricky Williams (week five) and Kevin Faulk (week nine); neither would see any action. Yet, in week ten, sitting at 5-4, near the bottom in the league in scoring, Bob finally shook things up. He traded an All-Robio wide receiver away for a running back. He shipped Javon Walker and Kevin Faulk (a player he just picked up a week earlier) for Donald Driver and Reuben Droughns. Walker was the stud of the deal (he would finish third that season among all receivers), but both Driver and Droughns were top-10 talent. It appeared Bob was set. He had his second back, which made his next move seem sort of forgettable, when he added Chiefs wide receiver Eddie Kennison (a back-end WR2 talent at best). Yet, Bob wasn’t done shaking, he said “fuck your two-back system” and shipped Droughns off to me, along with his starting quarterback (Matt Hasselback, who would finish 13th) for Daute Culpepper, the league’s second best arm. It was official, Bob was going three-wide (Johnson, Wayne and Driver), along with Culpepper and Corey Dillon. During the final five weeks of the regular season, Bob would go 5-0, breaking 1,500 in all five and swept into the championship game as a 3-seed. However, Bob’s decision looked like a bad one, as both Wayne and Driver were victims of the week 17 title game. With both the Colts and Packers having nothing to play for, it was doubtful either of those receivers would see much action. Luckily, the week prior Bob had picked up Santana Moss, but he and Kennison had large shoes to fill. Ironically, in the title game, all three of Bob’s receivers came up small. Chad Johnson scored just 34 points, Santana Moss had just 20 fantasy points, while Kennison finished with 102. However, Kennison’s final catch proved to be the difference, as Bob escaped with a 47-point victory over Griff, which his quarterback threw an interception in the game’s final seconds. Just like that, Bob became the first three-wide team to win a title.

THREE WORST MOMENTS

Back in his rookie campaign, Bob jumped feet first into the league, winning five of his first six, breaking 1,600 in weeks five and six. He was crushing it. Of course, it helped that just about everyone he faced was a no-show. The five opponents he beat all failed to crack 900. However, Bob’s luck began to turn, his team failed to hit 1,200 in his next five and he would lose all five games. In week thirteen, he earned his first victory in a long while, defeating David 1,493-1,259. At 6-6, all Bob had to do was beat me in the final week. Sadly, I was the best team at that point and if Bob had faced me the past seven weeks, he would have lost each game. Well, he lost in week 14 and was kept from the post-season and became the only person to start a season 5-1 and miss the playoffs.
In 2004, Bob kept Corey Dillon in the first-round. He did good and was the lone back on Bob’s 2004 title team (as I mentioned above). However, when he tried to follow up that running back success in future round ones, he failed. And failed. And failed. And failed. Between 2005-2008, Bob drafted or kept a running back in round one and none of them panned out. With the final pick in the 2005 first-round, Bob took Kevin Jones. The Lions second-year back was a stud at the end of 2004, but he was a bust in 2005, finishing the season 34th. In 2006, Bob had the top pick in the draft and stunned the world by taking rookie Reggie Bush. He remains the only rookie to be drafted first overall. He should have taken Steven Jackson (who was taken by Masterson with the next pick). Jackson would earn first-team All-Robio, while Bush would fall to 16th best back. Yet, the following season, Bob kept Bush, which seemed like a smart decision because Duece McAllister was out for the year. Well, Bush never took advantage and Bush finished 26th. In 2008, Bob ditched Bush for another young stud in Willie Parker. For two weeks, Parker was the top back in football. For the rest of the season, not so much, as the Steelers back finished 45th. Like Bush the year before, Parker finished the season on Bob’s bench. To this day, Bob would not take a running back in round one ever again.
Bob was a legit champion in 2004. He may not have been the top seed or the scoring champ, but he was the three-seed and he was dominating by season’s end. However, he didn’t enter 2004 as a pre-draft favorite, because he didn’t have world-renowned keepers, holding onto only Daute Culpepper in round two and Reggie Wayne in round six. However, his draft proved to be brutally bad and it showed in week one, scoring just 893 in a loss to David. He followed that up with another weekly low score (losing to Matt, 971-713). A week three defeat to me was followed by a fourth straight defeat and third weekly low score, losing to Masterson, 995-695. The season would never improve. By season’s end, Bob would win three games, failing to hit 1,000 in six games, producing five weekly low scores and averaging just 1,125 points per game. The season is currently ranked 185th out of 200 and is remains the worst title defense in league history.

HISTORIC MOMENTS

Did we see the changing of the guard when Bob lost in week nine of last year?
The game of the century will never me topped, right?
Yep, he became the first and only person to score 2,000 and lose.
The day we finally realized we had a dynasty on our hands.
I already talked about this above, but a big reason why the greatest weekend was so great was because of Bob’s victory.
The original great game.
Already talked about this, but here’s a more detailed look at Bob’s biggest collapse.

LEAGUE RECORDS

Bob scored 2,333 points in a win over Calderon in 2014. That was the third most points scored in a game.
In that same game, Bob won by a total of 1,529 points over Calderon. That’s the second greatest ass-kicking in league history.
When Bob beat Matt by a single point in 2014 title game, he became the fifth person to win by just a point and the only person to do it in a post-season game. He also is just one of two people to have a two-point win, also in the post-season, over Masterson in the 2011 quarterfinals.
While he was on the losing end, Bob and Burrier combined to score 4,206 points (2,117 – 2,089), the most combined points scored in a single game.
Bob once won 11-straight between 2014-2015, which is the third longest winning streak.
Bob averaged a stunning 1,551 PPG in the 2014 regular season, the second most in league history. The following season, he averaged 1,507 PPG (the 5th most in the regular season), becoming the only person to average over 1,500 in back-to-back seasons.
When he won the 2014 championships, Bob totaled 25,509 points…the most points scored ever in a single full season (regular and post).
Obviously when Bob scored 2,089 points when he lost to Bob in 2014, it was the most points scored in a defeat.
In 2013, Bob’s opponents averaged 1,456 points per game. That’s the third most points scored by opponents in this league.
Bob has both the first and second longest 1,000-pt streak. Back in 2009-11, Bob hit 1,000 in 37-straight games. Currently, he’s riding the second longest streak with 30 straight.
Bob has the longest 1,250-pt streak, doing it 25 straight games between 2014-15. In fact, he has three of the top-eight 1,250-pt streaks.
Bob went 44 weeks without a weekly low score (2005-2009), the fourth longest streak in league history.

FAVORITE & NOT FAVORITE OPPONENT

When you’re as good as Bob, you’re going to dominate a lot of folks. He’s 14-8 against me, doubled up both Burrier (12-6) and Colby (12-6). He’s 7-1 against Jeff, having won four straight. Yet, his favorite opponent should be Don. He’s 13-4 against the league’s oldest member, having taken nine out of the last ten.
Bob has only struggled to beat Coomers. He’s just 7-7 against Molly and the only person he has a losing record against is Griff. He’s just 8-12 in that series, having lost six of their last seven.

GREATEST PLAYER

This was actually a tough one. For all the great teams, Bob hasn’t really hasn’t had a lot of great players. He’s only averaging two All-Robio players per season. The only teams with a worse average are Eric, Masterson, Don and Jeff. Yet, I have to pick someone and I’m going to go with Chris Johnson. He grabbed the Titans rookie running back in the seventh round of the 2008 draft. That season, Johnson finished 8th among all backs, getting better as the season went along. The following year he ended the season first overall, earning Bob his first 1st-team running back. In his third and final season with Bob, he led him to a championship as the league’s ninth best back.

FUN FACT

Bob has had four of the top-20 longest winning streaks in league history.
Rich Calderon and myself are the only people to defeat Bob in the quarterfinals
Bob has made it to the post-season in 11 of his 13 seasons in the league.
I’m the only person to defeat Bob in the playoffs twice (2008, 2012)
Only three of Bob’s 29 keepers have earned first-team All-Robio awards.
Eight of Bob’s 29 keepers have earned any All-Robio award (three came in 2013 alone).

2016 TEAM RANKINGS: #1 Bob Castrone

July 31, 2016