2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #12 JEFF GREENBLATT

He hasn’t aged in the 15 years that I’ve known him, when he needs to Orgasm, he thinks of Jerry Garcia and the only thing he does worse than mac with the ladies…is play fantasy football. He is Jeff Greenblatt.

He’s made the post-season last year. In fact, it was the second time in three seasons he has done that. To most, that’s not too impressive, considering he hasn’t won an actual playoff game and couldn’t even produce a winning season. However, for Jeff, he’s allowed to consider it a great accomplishment. In eight years of Robioland Football, Jeff has produced just one winning season. Just one. Let’s say it again to let it really sink in…just one winning season. That was back in 2009 when he went 8-5, despite ending the season losing four out of his last five.

My point, Jeff’s greatest achievement in this league is the fact he’s so willing to donate $150 to other people’s winnings so easily. For years now, he’s been battling Eric for the “worst” label in just about every category. Of course, Eric had a very successful 2015, thus Jeff flipped into last place in every major category (career record, playoff record, playoff points, career 1,000-pt games, career 1,500-pt games), you name it, he’s at the bottom of it.

For 2016, Jeff needs to accomplish two feats. Get back to the playoffs. As a solo player he’s never crashed the post-season party two years running. Yet, just as importantly, win more games than he loses. It’s time to see a second winning season on Jeff’s resume.

BY THE NUMBERS

THREE GREATEST MOMENTS

After Colby and Jeff were broken up after the departure of David Hightower, Jeff showed this league he was no one’s bitch, beginning the 2009 season with four straight W’s, including a victory in his match up with Colby in week four. He would finish the season 8-5, making it to the playoffs, while the Quarter Pounders and Colby missed the post-season, finishing the season 6-7.
The first-round of the 2009 draft proved to be a tragic event for most. Three of the top five picks were benched by season’s end. However, Jeff nailed it with the sixth pick, passing on a back to land Randy Moss. The Patriots’ receiver was the league’s best, earning Jeff his first All-Robio player.
In 2014, Jeff won his first championship. No, it wasn’t in football, but rather he won the 2014 Robioland Baseball season. Sorry, Jeff doesn’t have enough great moments in football to fill this list. Anyhow, as the 5-seed, Jeff defeated defending champ, Rob Masterson in the finals, 7-5.

THREE WORST MOMENTS

In Jeff’s first season (way back in 2003), he shook off a rough start (beginning the season 0-4), winning six of nine and had a legit shot to earn a playoff spot. In the season’s final week, all Jeff needed to do was beat Burrier and have Bob lose to the league’s top team (Robio). Well, Bob did his part, losing to me, but Jeff, like so many other times in his life, couldn’t get it done, losing to Burrier, 1,751 – 1,388. The defeat knocked him from the playoffs, allowing Calderon to sneak into the last post-season spot. Calderon would end up upsetting me in round one, helping Burrier to win it all.
In 2010, Jeff overcame a rough 0-3 start, by winning four straight. At 4-3, he was in a good spot to make it back to the post-season for a second straight year. Well, that week seven victory over Molly would prove to be his last. He would drop his final six games, missing the post-season by a single game.
Between week ten, 2011 and week two, 2013, Jeff managed to win only three games, going 3-16, his worst stretch in league history. Most of those defeats came in 2012, where Jeff went just 2-11, finishing last in both the standings and in points. That season remains the 13th worst season in league history (out of 200).

HISTORIC MOMENTS

In 2010, Jeff was part of The Forgettable Four. Arguable, the worst set of teams to miss the show.
Back in 2004, there was the 20,000/20,000 club. Yes, this goes back to his days as a Quarter Pounders and we have given Colby all the Pounders’ history, but it was Jeff who drafted this squad, so let’s give him some love.
Jeff helps usher in the modern era of Robioland Football.

LEAGUE RECORDS

Sadly, Jeff is tied for first in only one record and he’s on the wrong end of both. Five times in this league’s history a team has lost by a single point and Jeff is the only active member to lose twice. In 2005, Jeff lost 1,511 – 1,510 (the most points scored in a one-point contest) to Calderon and then he fell to Colby in 2014, 1,405 – 1,404.
Jeff once went 27 straight games without scoring over 1,500 points (between 2011-13). That is the league’s third longest streak (the record is 29, held by Eric).

FAVORITE & LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT

Sadly, Jeff has a winning record only against one team: Eric. He’s 7-2 against the younger Vozzola.
Jeff can’t seem to beat Bob. He’s just 1-7 against the guy. He’s lost four straight. The only time he’s taken Castrone down was a 1,187 – 1,110 victory in week nine, 2011. Of course, he can only blame himself, since I believe it was Jeff who got Bob his internship at MTV.

GREATEST PLAYER

Coming off a rough 2012, where he won just two games, Jeff was rewarded the first overall pick and the man didn’t waste it. He grabbed Jamaal Charles and the Chiefs running back was a beast, averaging 242 PPG, finishing the season as the league’s top back. This earned Jeff his second first-team All-Robio player. The following season he kept him and he finished 8th, which wasn’t tragic. In 2015, he kept him one more time despite having a high pick in first-round. Charles had a solid start to the season, before tearing his ACL, ending his three-year run for Jeff.

FUN FACT

Jeff remains the only person in the league to never win a single playoff game
Jeff is the only active person to finish back-t0-back seasons with the lowest point total
Last season, Jeff finished with only one player that he drafted (Brandin Cooks).
2013 is the only year that the two running backs Jeff drafted to start, finished the season as his starters (Jamaal Charles, Le’Veon Bell).