He’s a legend in his own mind, a mock draft monster that’s only happy when he’s wearing nipple clamps for brunch…he’s Colby Hall.

Colby has always seemed to live in a bubble in this league. For a long time, he lived in a bubble with Molly and Masterson, but that threesome has begun to separate lately. Molly has fallen back from the pack, Masterson has improved, but it’s Colby who has slowly begun to occupy the same space as folks like Calderon and Neatock. The only thing those two have on their resume that Colby doesn’t…a title. For now, that’s the tiebreaker that keeps Colby handcuffed to the 6-spot.

Of course, for Colby, wins didn’t always come easy. He had four losing seasons among his first six, but since he typically avoided being awful, he managed to make the post-season five times during those early years (crashing the title game once).

Lately though, the wins have begun to arrive. Four out of his last six seasons have ended with winning records and even last year’s team felt better than their six wins indicated (which he proved by getting back to the title game for a second time). This is a big reason why Colby firmly holds the title of “best team to not win a championship,” since Calderon got his one a few years back.

Now it’s all about making his career win-loss record match his point total. Colby is up to fourth in points, just behind Bob, Griff and Robio. That’s good company to be around when we’re talking career points. Yet, Colby has earned “most disappointing team” in back-to-back seasons (2012-13), which is telling.

Heading into 2016, Colby’s goal should be simple: take another step forward, not backwards. He’s a guy who has never made it to the post-season four years running (he’s currently made the playoffs three straight years). It’s time to move up to elite status by maybe winning 10 games during the regular season, earn a second scoring title or better yet, win it all. Oh and beat Griff.

BY THE NUMBERS

THREE GREATEST MOMENTS

Weirdly, most of Colby’s greatest moments proved to be historic moments, so down below you’ll see some repeats. The first great moment had to be the trade. The fucking trade. A quick recap, back in 2004, Colby, Matt and myself all worked on the 31st floor at 1633. Matt and Colby were negotiating a trade that would land the Pounders, Tiki Barber. At the time he was an under used running back for the Giants, who fumbled a ton. Matt didn’t draft him until the 92nd pick in the draft. Anyhow, Matt being Matt, started talking to me about the trade. Seeing what Colby was offering him, I offered him something better (or at least I convinced Matt it was better). We pull off a trade and Tiki was mine. Well, Colby threw a fit to the point where I felt guilty. Thus, I ended up trading Barber/Dunn for Quentin Griffen, the rookie back who was expected to be the next great Denver running back. Well, Griffen would be knocked out for the year the very next week, while both Barber and Dunn would have fantastic seasons; the former earning first-team All-Robio. Colby ended up having a solid season, I missed the playoffs for the first time ever. Speaking of 2004…
Behind Tiki Barber and Warrick Dunn, Colby won the scoring title in his first season in the league. Now Jeff will always be apart of that success since he drafted the team, but let’s not forget, by season’s end, only four total players that Jeff drafted, finished the year on the squad (Rd 1 Marvin Harrison, Rd 2 Donovan McNabb, Rd 6 Issac Bruce and Rd 11 Muhsin Mohammad). McNabb led the team, as the Eagles quarterback finished third at the quarterback spot. Barber was the league’s top back, while Dunn finished 12th. Colby had the league’s second best defense (picking up the Steelers DST in week four) and the league’s second best kicker (Jason Elam was picked up in week three). However, the big get proved to be the luckiest and one drafted by Jeff. In week one, the Panthers’ Steve Smith tore his ACL. Suddenly, Mohammad became Carolina’s #1 receiver and he shocked the world becoming the league’s top receiver. This gave Colby’s final roster, two first-team All-Robio players (Barber, Mohammad), two second-team All-Robio players (Steelers Elam) and one third-teamer (McNabb). The only roster mistake he made was cutting Bubba Franks. The Packers TE finished 11th on the season and struggled to fill that gap all season long. He finished the year with Ben Troupe, the 28th best TE in football that year. Anyhow, this team was the last team to average over 20,000 for the regular season (it was the last year we played a 14-game regular season), as Colby won the scoring title, finishing with 20,182 points.
Colby pulls off a monster upset in the 2015 quarterfinals, knocking off Bob Castrone, the top seed, top scorer and defending champ, 1,398 – 1,317. The defeat ended a three-game playoff losing streak to Bob and a current six-game losing streak that dated back to 2011. It was a balanced effort all around. Receiver Mike Evans led the team with 314 points. Both Carson Palmer and Greg Olsen broke 200, while both Doug Martin and the Jets DST nearly did.

THREE WORST MOMENTS

Griff. It’s that simply. Colby’s worst moment appears to be any moment he faces Griff. Overall, Griff is 12-6 against Colby, but five of those wins came in the post-season. Yep, Griff has eliminated Colby from the playoffs five of the nine times he’s been to the playoffs. Hell, Colby has had his championship dreams ended by Griff three years running (2013 quarterfinals, 2014 quarterfinals and last year’s title game). In 2014, Colby had one of his best teams ever. Including the playoffs, he lost only five times, but three of those defeats came via Griff (including the playoffs). Currently, he’s lost six straight to Griff.
Getting to the title game is every kid’s dream. Shitting your pants once you get there…not so much. Colby stunned the world back in 2005. In only his second year, he recovered from a 1-4 start to the season, won five of his last seven and squeezed into the playoffs. In the quarterfinals, he upset 2-seed Matt in a low scoring affair, but in the semis he pulled off the bigger upset over me (preventing a third Robio v Griff title game). Now Griff was a beast that year and no one expected Colby to win, but we assumed he’d put up a fight. We assumed wrong. Only two players (Jake Delhomme and Tiki Barber) broke 200, only one more player broke 100 (T.J. Houshmandzadeh), while Warrick Dunn scored 98, Steve Smith produced 34, the Jaguars DST got 33, while Ben Troupe was shutout and Lawrence Tynes finished with -20. Colby’s 739 points scored remains the lowest points scored in a title game in league history.
I thought about putting his 2009, week 13 loss to Bob here. That defeat, coupled with an Eric win, gave the latter the 8-seed, keeping Colby out of the playoffs. However, I’m going to go with a 2011, semifinals loss to Bob as the final worse moment. In that matchup, Colby missed a championship game appearance by just 21 points. This was made worse by a few factors. A big one was that Bob only won the game late with more Steven Jackson late game heroics. Yet, there were three big places where Colby failed to wrap up a win. First, Colby’s star back, Frank Gore, carried the ball only six times in a 49ers blowout win, as his backups all got more touches. Second, Antonio Brown had a 20-yard pass with four minutes to play whipped away because of a clipping call. On the very next play, Mike Wallace (Bob’s receiver) caught a pass that put him in the lead). Lastly, in an earlier game, Colby’s Hakeem Nicks flatout dropped a wide open pass that should have been a 70-yard touchdown (198 fantasy points). So close, yet so far.

HISTORIC MOMENTS

Colby was apart of the greatest weekend, scoring 2,197 points in a crushing victory over Griff in 2011.
This isn’t Colby’s historica moment, but he was certainly a part of it.
In one season, Colby scored over 20,000 points, but so did his opponents.
Here’s a more detailed account of this fucking moment.

LEAGUE RECORDS

Colby is one of five people to win a 1-point game, beating Jeff in 2014, 1,405 – 1,404.
In 2007, Calderon and Colby combined for the fourth lowest scoring game ever, 1,269 points. Rich ended up winning it, 652 – 617.
Colby once won seven in a row back in 2014. It’s the eighth longest winning streak in one season.
Colby once scored 1,796 points in a defeat, the fourth most, back in 2004. He lost to Calderon, 1,950 – 1,796.
In 2004, Colby’s opponent averaged 1,429 PPG. That’s the 8th most given up for one season.
Colby once scored over 1,000 in 26 straight games, the league’s fifth longest streak.
Between 2013-14, Colby scored over 1,250 points in 16 straight games, the second longest streak.
Colby once went 24 straight games between 2008-10 without scoring 1,500 points. That’s the 6th longest streak in league history.

FAVORITE & NOT FAVORITE OPPONENT

Colby has had fun doubling up Neatock, twice knocking him out of the playoffs and most recently, taking four of out five from his favorite trading partner. However, his favorite opponent has to be me. He’s 11-5 against me, having now taken five of six.
There are a handful of teams Colby has struggled with. He’s just 5-9 against Molly, which is surprising. He’s also gotten crushed by Griff (6-12) and Bob (6-13) over the years, but his worst foe based on record is Calderon. He’s just 4-11 against Rich, although it has gotten better. It took Colby six years and seven tries to beat Calderon and at one point was 2-11 against him, until Colby managed to win the last two.

GREATEST PLAYER

In what is arguably the greatest trade in league history, Colby landed Tiki Barber in week two (along with Warrick Dunn) for a running back who would get knocked out for the season the following week. What would Tiki go on to do? Over the next three seasons, he would deliver two first-team All-Robio awards and one second-team All-Robio award. Based just on All-Robio awards, Tiki remains the third best running back in Robioland history, just behind Adrian Peterson and LaDainian Tomlinson.

FUN FACT

Colby has lost in the post-season nine times. Eight of those losses were to either Griff (five) or Bob (three). 2008 was the only time it wasn’t to those two, when he lost to me in the semis that year.
Colby only has one season among the top-50 of all-time (2014 is ranked #31). However, he also only has one season ranked in the bottom-50 (2007 is ranked #183).
Colby’s 2.42 first, second, third team All-Robio players per year, is the league’s third best behind Griff and Robio.
Colby has never had a first-team or second-team All-Robio quarterback, nor a first-team All-Robio tight end.
Colby has kept a player in the first-round just once in his career; Frank Gore in 2011. He finished #15.
Colby has kept a player in category three in six straight seasons. All six have been wide receivers. Three times that wide receiver finished among the top-15 wide receivers.
Colby and Rob Masterson are the only two people in league history to earn “most disappointing team” two years in a row.

2016 Team Rankings: #6 Colby Hall

July 18, 2016