He’s handsome, hairy and probably has spent more money than anyone else in this league on lapdances…he’s Richard Burrier.

Burrier is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, rubbed with butter. He’s just tough to nail down, is all I’m trying to say. Here’s a guy who has produced just two winning seasons since 2007. Only Jeff has done worse. Yet, he has made it to the playoffs five times in the last six seasons. However, one of those playoff teams was a five-win team. Rich did make it to the title game in 2011. Yet, seven of his last nine trips to the playoffs ended in the quarterfinals.

What’s lacking is greatness. Don’t get me wrong, Burrier had a nice run during his Tomlinson years, producing four winning seasons, four division titles (back when we had divisions) and one championship, but did you know that Burrier has only been a top-seed once and he’s never sniffed a scoring title?

Fact is, he’s been stuck in the middle of the road for too long. He’s fallen to 8th in scoring, 8th in winning percentage, 8th in playoff victories…see a pattern? Worse yet, he’s actually last in 1,000-pt games, only breaking a grand 76.5% of the time. That basically means one in four games he plays, he scores under 1,000.

It’s time for Burrier to man-up. Getting to second base is for 14-year-old boys. It’s time to get her undressed and ready for Lil’ Burrier. Just getting to the playoffs isn’t worth bragging about in a league that allows 67% of the teams each year to go. Being just an 8-seed is not acceptable any more. Dare to be great, buddy!

BY THE NUMBERS

THREE GREATEST MOMENTS

Burrier’s second season in the league (2003) was a solid affair. He won his division and earned the 3-seed. Yet, I was the clear favorite, having won nine out of ten, scoring over 2,000 three times in that span. Yet, 8-seeded Calderon pulled off the monster upset and sent me home, opening up the road for Burrier. He would cruise through what would be the easiest trip to the championship (based on seeds), beating #6 Matt, escaping #8 Calderon in the semis, before dominating #5 Griff, becoming the only team to score over 2,000 in a title game (he won 2,011 – 1,036).
After the 2002 season, something big happened…four old league members were replaced with four new ones from New York. Luckily for Burrier, three of those old teams finished lower than him in the standings. With them gone, Rich landed the top pick in the 2003 draft, which mattered, since this was the first year we were drafting with keepers in mind. Now the choices weren’t easy, but in the end, Rich made the right one, grabbing Tomlinson with the first overall pick. Since this was pre-three year limit, Rich would hold onto LT for 4+ seasons and would dominate. As Tomlinson would earn two first-team and two second-team All-Robio awards as Rich was winning four straight division titles, earning four straight 3-seeds and bringing home the title in 2003.
In 2012, Burrier looked dead in the water. Twelve weeks in and the dude trailed Matt by one game for the final playoff spot. Sure if he could force a tie, he could get into the playoffs by winning the total points tiebreaker, but Matt was facing a Don team that had lost six in a row, having won two games all season. Well, Don did his part, putting up his best point total of the year and crushing Matt, 1,617 – 1,307. Meanwhile, Burrier took down Colby, 1,415 – 1,125, tying Matt in the standings and stealing the 8-seed. Yet, that wasn’t even the great moment. The following week, his running back, Jamaal Charles, started the day off with a 80-yard TD and Burrier never looked back. In a low-scoring affair, eight seeded Rich shocked 1-seeded Griff, 1,150 – 1,084. The victory was stunning because Griff was the only opponent Rich could have faced and beaten that week.

THREE WORST MOMENTS

After winning the 2003 championship and entering 2004 with the league’s best keepers, it really looked like Burrier knew his shit. Then in the third round of the 2004 draft, he shocked the world by drafting Anthony Thomas, the second-string Bears running back. Suddenly, the league realized, they might have just let a moron win the previous season’s championships.
I already mentioned the struggles to escape the first-round of the playoffs, but none were more painful than the stretch between 2004-07. Rich had some fantastic teams back then, again dominating his division during those years, despite playing in the toughest division. He managed to go 33-20 during those seasons. Then the quarterfinals began and he fell apart, losing to #6 David in 2004, #6 Robio the following year, #6 Masterson next and then finally to David in 2007.
The 2013 season was Burrier’s low point. Midway through the year, it was clear he had nothing to play for, sitting in last at 2-5. However, it appears his squad did stop playing as he produced a brutal six-game stretch to end the year. Going 0-6, Burrier failed to break 1,000 in all six games, producing four weekly low scores, averaging just 869.5 points per game. He finished the year 2-11, the sixth worst season in league history.

HISTORIC MOMENTS

Richard Burrier and Bob Castrone become the first pair to both score over 2,000 in a single game.
In what was the greatest weekend in Robioland History, the 2011 quarterfinals, #3 Burrier found himself losing to Matt, with Dez Bryant getting shutout with only five minutes left to go in the game. However, Dez would catch one ball all game long. It was a 50-yard TD, giving Rich the win.
Burrier becomes the first and only player to win five games in the season and make the playoffs.
Here is the A-Train draft pick in full detail.
A more in-depth look at the 2003 Tomlinson pick.

LEAGUE RECORDS

His 2,011 points scored in the 2003 title game, remains the most points scored in a title game.
Burrier and Bob combined to score 4,206 points in 2014. That’s the only game that features two teams over 2,000 and it’s the only game that the two teams combined to score over 4,000.
Burrier has a eight-game winning streak that is tied for the fifth longest winning streak in one season.
Rich is tied with three others for the longest losing streak in league history with nine.
In 2013, Rich’s opponents average 1,495 points per game. That’s the most points ever scored by opponents in a single season.

FAVORITE & NOT FAVORITE OPPONENT

Burrier has struggled to dominate anyone in this league, producing a winning record againt three current teams. He’s 9-8 against me and he’s 9-7 against Don. However, his favorite opponent would be Colby. He’s 10-7 against him, although he’s never done better than a two-game winning streak, which he did last year, beating Colby twice in 2015.
Burrier has a few unfavorable opponents. He’s struggled against Matt (7-11) and Eric (6-11), but his Ike Turner has to be Bob. He’s just 6-12 against him. Rich use to own this series, once leading Bob, 4-1. However, Bob has gone 11-2, dating back to 2007, eliminating Rich in the post-season three times since 2011.

GREATEST PLAYER

This one is easy. It’s Ladainian Tomlinson. His 2003 first overall pick, dominated the league as a member of the Burrier squad. He finished first-team All-Robio in 2003, second-team in 2004 and 2005, then first-team again in 2006. In 2007 he finished first overall yet again, but since the keeper rules had changed and LT keeper status was up, a struggling Burrier traded him to me (and I traded him to Matt), thus ending an era unlike one we’ll ever see again.

FUN FACT

Burrier has been an 8-seed four times in his career, going 1-3 in the quarterfinals.
Rich has earned “worst playoff collapse” twice and “worst second half of the season collapse” three times.
Burrier has had back-to-back weekly high scores four times. That’s eight of his career 19.
In 2009, Burrier became the only league member to go 0-6 in his division, but have a winning record against non-divisional foes (4-3).
Burrier’s opponents have averaged over 1,400 points for a season three times (2002, 2013, 2014). He’s the only person who can lay that claim.
For his career, Rich’s opponents have averaged 1,311 PPG. That’s the second most behind only Masterson’s 1,336 PPG.
Burrier has had five keepers finish the season as the #1 ranked player at their position. LT did it twice, Gronkowski did it in 2012, Peyton Manning did it in 2004 and Andrew Luck did it 10 years later.
Last year, DeAndre Hopkins became the first category three keeper to crack the top-10 at his position (he finished #3).
Richard has never had a first-team All-Robio wide receiver.

2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #8 RICHARD BURRIER

July 14, 2016