He’s the league’s oldest member by a lot, he was voted in his fraternity, “most like to go on a shooting spree” and he’s the first of what I hope are many league members who will come out of the closet…because when you think of Robioland Football, I want you to think diversity.

Of course, if Don was looking to rep the LGBTQ community in fantasy football, he’s failing bigger than the my online profile on Ashley Madison, as he hasn’t sniffed the post-season since 2011.

Losing hasn’t just become a hobby, it’s become his full time, poorly paying job. He’s just 17-35 in his last four seasons. Let’s face it, no one has been worse. I came thisclose to putting Don last in these rankings, especially now that he’s dead last in points scored per game (1,194 PPG), but then I remembered this is supposed to represent one’s entire career.

While his overall numbers wouldn’t impress even this chick, he still has just one of five people to have a career triple crown (Champion, scoring title, top seed), he still has the fifth best playoff winning percentage (8-7), he’s still just one of three people to make it to the post-season eight straight years and those two pesky titles in 2006 and 2008 are still his to brag about. Although to be fair, after 200 combined seasons of Robioland, those title runs have fallen to #62 (2008) and #68 (2006) in season’s ranked.

Now heading into 2016, it’s time to get back to the old Don, or new Don is going to be living in the Robioland basement soon. Trust me, he doesn’t want to be there.

BY THE NUMBERS

THREE GREATEST MOMENTS

Prior to 2005, Don had been a subpar league member. In four seasons, he missed the post-season twice, sneaking in twice as a late seed (in 2002 & 2004), experiencing early playoff exits in both. However, in season number five, he finally made an impact. Led by a solid backfield of Willis McGahee and Domanick Davis, Don won four out of his first five and six of his first eight games. He struggled in weeks nine and ten, but still managed to spit (losing to Calderon, beating Bob). The latter propelled him to a solid finish, where he won three of four. He won nine games that year, earning the league’s top seed by a full game.
Topless and a Champion…double threat.

In 2006, Don got unlucky early, when his first-round keeper (D. Davis) was knocked out for the year with an ACL injury. However, he rolled to a 5-1 start, before falling apart, losing four of five, scoring under 1,000 three straight in weeks 10-12. Yet, with his playoff life hanging in the balance, his win over David, coupled with both Masterson and Calderon losing (the latter to Eric by just 23 points), Don was able to squeeze into the 7-spot. Once there, he was able to upset Molly, but just as good, the 8-seed Masterson upset 1-seed Burrier. This allowed Don to face and beat 5-seed Bob in the semis and avoid me (where he would have lost). I was hot, winning five of six, producing two weekly high scores. I ended up crushing Masterson, but in the title game, I had horrible matchups, Don picked up Ron Dayne and rolled the big fella to his first championship, becoming the first 7-seed to win it all.
By 2007, Don was coming off two amazing seasons. In 2005, he earned that top seed and the following year, he walked away with a mug. Yet, it all sort of felt flukish because his scoring never matched his winning. In fact, Don final finish in scoring each year looked like this: #7, #8, #12, #10, #5, #9. That was an average finish of 8.5. Not good. 2007 would change all that, although at first, it was everyone else doing the scoring. Don began the season 0-2, as both his opponents recorded the weekly high score. Yet, eventually he would start piling up victories, scoring not quite amazing, but well, breaking 1,300 four times in his first eight games, 1,500 just once. In week nine though, he exploded for 2,228 points in a win over Burrier. To this day, that game remains the 7th best in league history. Anyhow, Don did have one weekly low score in week twelve, but it was sandwiched between a pair of 1,600 point victories. In that final week, Don trailed David by 61 points. Hightower did fine, scoring 1,332 in a week 13 win over Calderon, but Don did better. He scored 1,668 in a victory over Colby, delivering him his first ever scoring title by 275 points.

THREE WORST MOMENTS

As I mentioned above, heading into the 2007 season, Don had produced a string of successes, although they all seemed to be accidental (earning a top seed, despite only being fifth in scoring and winning a title, despite being ninth in scoring). Yet, all that change when he defeated his 2006 title by winning his division, earning a two seed and most importantly, delivering a scoring title. This was his season. Yet, in the quarterfinals, he fell to Calderon, a team that won just six games that year, finishing ninth in scoring. It would be the third time in six seasons Don would lose in the quarterfinals as a one or two seed.
Between 2004-2011, Don made the playoffs every year. That was eight straight seasons, at the time becoming only the second person to accomplish that. However, he hasn’t made it back since, failing to qualify four straight years, becoming just the second person in league history to ever do.
You think those rough three weeks in 2003 where Don averaged 457 PPG in three losses were the only bad stretch he’s had? Think again. Last season, Don hit a rough patch, made of spikes and vaginas. Between weeks 3-7, he lost all five, earning the low score in four of those games, averaging 988 PPG.

HISTORIC MOMENTS

This was more about me, than Don, but he earned a second title with it, so let’s revisit The Decision.
Don becomes the first seven seed to win a championship.
Don plays a big part in the worst game ever played.

LEAGUE RECORDS

It was brought up yesterday and again up above, Don’s 263 is the lowest single game point total in league history. For good measure, he also has the 11th and 14th lowest scoring games as well.
Don and Molly combined for the lowest scoring game ever (757 points). A year later, he and Griff combined for the third lowest scoring game ever, when Griff beat Don, 692 – 505.
Back in his rookie campaign, Don lost by 1,463 points to eventual champ, Jason. At the time it was the greatest ass-kicking ever and remains third largest to this day.
Don has both the third and fourth longest streaks without a weekly high score. He went 53 weeks between 2002 and 2006. He then went 56 weeks between 2009-2013.

FAVORITE & LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT

Don has a winning record against three people and surprisingly, one of them is me (he’s 10-9). Another is Matt (10-8), but the one person he dominates is his son. Don is 14-8 against Eric in his career, although lately, Eric has gotten the best of him, taking three of five.
Through 2009, Don was nearly on par with Bob, as the latter was 4-3 against Mr. Vozzola. Yet, since then, Bob has dominated, taking nine out of the last team. Don is now just 4-13 against Mr. Castrone.

GREATEST PLAYER

Willis McGahee had a nice four-year run for Don, but the greatest player in Don’s history comes down to two players. First, there’s Terrell Owens. Drafted in 2006 and kept for two years, the Cowboys wide receiver was part of two title teams for Don, earning first-team All-Robio in 2006. He finished top-10 the following year, but fell to 24th in his final season with Vozzola. Thus, if I had to declare THE greatest player, I’d go with Maurice Jones-Drew. Don snagged the Jaguars back in 2007 and over the next three years, MJD finished in the top-10 each season (9th, 2nd and 10th), earning one first-team All-Robio award (2009). With MJD as his lead back, Don won 24 games in three years, crashing the post-season three times, winning one scoring title (2009) and won championship (2008).

FUN FACT

Don has been on the losing end of four of the top-sixteen lowest combined scores of all-time.
Don has failed to make the playoffs the last four years, becoming only the second person in league history to accomplish that feat. Eric is the other (six straight).
Don’s scoring title in 2007 is the second lowest point total for a scoring champ. He average 1,421 PPG in 2007. Molly’s 2006 scoring title is the only one lower (she averaged 1,356 PPG)
Both of Don’s titles came when he was a 7-seed.
In the quarterfinals, when Don is seeded 7th or lower, he is 5-1 in the quarterfinals. When he is ranked 5th or higher, he’s 0-4.
Don has faced Eric 22 times, the most of any opponent, yet the two have never faced off in the post-season.

2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #10 DON VOZZOLA

July 12, 2016