CAREER RANKINGS

It’s time for the annual Robio’s Career Rankings. Obviously when you’re trying to account for 26 seasons worth of results, there won’t be much movement. However, this year, Michael got a nice little boost after two straight title games and one championship. Meanwhile, after some brief relief in 2023, Griff’s slide down the rankings continue on. But first up…for the third straight year sitting in last place we have Uncle Don.

#12 DON VOZZOLA

RECORD: 150-189 | .442 (12th)
SCORING: 1,235 (12th)
AVG FINISH: 8.46 (12th)
AVG SCORING: 7.88 (11th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 12 of 24 | 50% (12th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 9-10 | .474 (9th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,203 (12th)
SCORING CROWNS: 1
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 2
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2

DON VOZZOLA: A FANTASY FABLE
Don’s tale is as old as time. Life happens, priorities shift, and the hobbies and passions that once consumed us slowly drift into the background—replaced by things like early-bird specials, competitive bike rides, and shopping for the strongest Hemorrhoid cream money can buy.

But for Uncle Don—a man who once proudly held Miami Dolphins season tickets and raised his children in the dual faiths of Dolphins and Florida Gators football—the fall from fantasy football relevance didn’t creep up quietly. It slammed into him like an out-of-control Cypertruck speeding down Las Olas Boulevard.

Now, let’s be clear: no one was ever mistaking Don for the Bill Belichick of fantasy football. But in his prime, the man had a run.

  • From 2001 to 2011, he only posted four winning seasons, but somehow he made the playoffs eight years in a row (2004–2011)—a record at the time.
  • He earned a #1 seed in 2005, a scoring title in 2007, and, most infamously, pulled two championships out of his ass in 2006 and 2008, each time as a 7-seed. Both title wins came against me, of course, because the universe has a sense of humor.

Was it luck? Probably. But good decisions create good luck—and Don’s run is the reason the legendary fantasy motto was born:

“Just make the playoffs and win three games.”

But then… the wheels fell off. Hard. 

Since 2012, Don’s fantasy franchise has been in a steady decline. In the past 13 seasons, he’s managed just two winning records and missed the playoffs 10 times, including a brutal five-year drought (the second-longest streak in league history). He has won one playoff game in that span—an upset over Colby in 2017 that feels more like a clerical error. It’s been 17 years since Don’s last appearance in a title game.

Before 2014, he had only finished last in both standings and points once—during a rough 2003 season we try not to discuss around people with a hear condition. But since 2015, he’s finished in last place in the standings four times (including 3 of the last 4 seasons), while finishing last place in points three times, including last year. 

He’s become a red flag we warn our children about, and yet…I still believe. 

Because this is Don we’re talking about—the man who once made playoff miracles happen, maybe—just maybe—2025 is the start of a new era. A comeback story. A redemption arc for the ages. So here’s to you, Don. Dust off the fantasy magazines, fire up the mock drafts and for the love of Dan Marino, let’s make some fantasy football magic again.

#11 ERIC VOZZOLA

RECORD: 151-188 | .445 (11th)
SCORING: 1,272 (11th)
AVG FINISH: 7.46 (11th)
AVG SCORING: 7.92 (12th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 13 of 24 (10th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 7-12 | .368 (10th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,363 (9th)
SCORING CROWNS: 2
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 2
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 1

ERIC: THE RANKINGS ENIGMA
Career rankings aren’t always fair. Case in point: do I think Eric is currently the second-worst team in the league? Absolutely not. The man just wrapped up a nine-year playoff streak, only missing the playoffs this past season by a hair. During that run, he won a championship in 2021, then followed it up by securing both the top seed and the scoring title in 2022. Over the past decade, the eye test certainly says “pretty damn good.”

So why can’t he climb these career rankings?

Well… history matters. And Eric’s history? From 2001 to 2014, he was basically the fantasy football version of a tire fire inside a dumpster fire. Outside of one bright spot in 2011—where he earned his first scoring title and lost in the championship game—Eric spent those early years racking up losses like it was a paying career. 

Let’s break it down:

  • Finished 10th three times
  • Finished 11th four times
  • Finished 12th twice
  • Finished dead last in points three times
  • From 2010–2011, posted a record of 3-23, the worst two-year stretch in league history

To put it in perspective: if Eric somehow went undefeated the next two full seasons (17-0 both years), his career record would still be under .500. That’s not a hill to climb—that’s climbing Everest in flip-flops.

That being said, starting in 2015, something clicked. He began showing up to the playoffs every year like clockwork. But even then, it wasn’t exactly domination. 

  • Four of his nine playoff appearances came as the 8-seed
  • Six of nine were seeded 6th or lower
  • And his 2021 championship run? Iconic… but kind of a fluke. He’s still the only 8-seed to win it all—and the only reason he even made the playoffs that year is because Michael failed to set his lineup in the final game of the regular season. That’s not strategy, that’s divine intervention.

So, where does that leave Eric?

Right now, he’s better than his ranking, but he doesn’t have a good enough of an argument to move up. He’s certainly sniffed greatness (2012), tasted it (2022), even touched it (2021), but he hasn’t lived in it. It’s time for Eric to stop hovering around “just good enough” and man up and perhaps then, the league will finally start respecting the Vozolla name.

#10 RICHARD BURRIER

RECORD: 155-174 | .471 (8th)
SCORING: 1,285 (10th)
AVG FINISH: 7.39 (10th)
AVG SCORING: 6.96 (9th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 16 of 23 | 69.6% (5th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 8-15 | .348 (11th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,267 (11th)
SCORING CROWNS: 0
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 2
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 1

RICHARD BURRIER: BETTER THAN A VOZZOLA

Yes, Burrier is better than any Vozzola, but that’s about all Burrier’s got going for him. He’s not bad enough to be mocked relentlessly, but he’s never been good enough to actually matter. He’s the guy who almost always gets invited to the party but spends most of the time in alone in a corner, far away from other guests, probably posting sex puns on porn site comment sections. 

To be fair, Rich has managed to avoid the catastrophic lows of guys like Don and Eric. He’s made the playoffs nearly 70% of the time—that’s top-five in league history, better than both me and Neatock. But while others have soared to fantasy greatness or crashed and burned in spectacular fashion, Rich has just kind of… hovered. For 23 years.

And the man has never:

  • Been a top seed
  • Won a scoring title
  • Finished second. That’s right—he’s never even been a regular season bridesmaid, let alone the bride. 

His glory days? The Tomlinson Era. From 2003–2006, Rich looked like he might actually be something:

  • Four straight three seeds 
  • Three straight second-place finishes in points
  • A championship in 2003

And then… poof. Gone like LaDainian’s knees.

Over the next 15 seasons, Rich finished third just once. He kept making the playoffs, sure, but often as an 8-seed clinging to life support. Six times between 2007–2017, he got in as the absolute last team possible, once becoming the only team to make the playoffs with only five regular season victories. That’s not competitive. That’s accidental.

Worse? Since 2007, Rich has finished last in points four times. That ties him with Don, which is like saying you tied for last place in a foot race with Christopher Reeves. And when Richard does make the playoffs?

  • 5-15 playoff record since he won his only championship in 2003
  • 11 quarterfinal exits, including last season
  • Just one trip to the championship game—way back in 2011, where he promptly lost to Bob.

Now lately, he’s shown a few flickers of relevance.

  • Two semifinal runs since 2020
  • Two #3 seeds in the past three years
  • And in 2024, he averaged 1,402 points per game—only the second time since the Bush administration that he’s averaged over 1,400.

So yeah, Rich might finally be putting something together and perhaps we’re too blinded by his mediocrity or his Unibomber beard to notice—but let’s be honest: we’ve seen this movie before. Subpar draft, quiet waiver wire work, playoff letdown. Rinse, repeat, remember he still exists in Week 10.

If Rich wants to escape the purgatory of averageness, he’s got to stop clinging to that 2003 trophy, like it’s that stripper who once pretended to be interested in his work on the Tupac movie. It’s been two decades. Put it in storage and go win something new.

#9 ROB MASTERSON

RECORD: 151-176 | .462 (10th)
SCORING: 1,317 (7th)
AVG FINISH: 6.57 (6th)
AVG SCORING: 6.04 (5th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 16 of 23 | 69.6% (5th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 5-16 | .238 (12th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,324 (10th)
SCORING CROWNS: 0
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 0
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0

Rob Masterson: King of Week One, Court Jester of the Playoffs
Rob’s fantasy football career can be summed up in two numbers – .782 vs .313.

.782 is his Week One record (a stunning 18-5) vs his quarterfinal win percentage of .313 (a depressing 5-11). He once won 11 straight Week One matchups. No one starts a season better. The man is basically the September Tom Brady of Robioland. Unfortunately, fantasy football isn’t won in Week One—it’s won in December. And when the calendar flips, Rob’s fantasy ballgown turns back into rags, while his keepers revert to a pumpkin…and unfortunately, there is no glass slipper to save his season. 

It’s hard to win championships when you’re allergic to reaching the semifinals. He’s survived that quarterfinals just five times in 23 seasons. That’s not a playoff record—that’s a participation trophy.

But let’s rewind. Back in 2002, Rob’s career actually started on a promising note. He made the playoffs his first three seasons—granted, as a 7-seed every time, and without producing a single winning regular season record. Still, he made the semifinals in his first two years, which fooled everyone into thinking he might be a stud about to bend us all over for a good old fashion smashing. 

Spoiler: He didn’t.

From 2004 to 2009, the wheels flew off and the bottom fell out. A cocktail of bad luck, bad injuries, and bad decisions led to him missing the playoffs four times in six years. During this stretch, he never once cracked the top five in the standings. 

Then came the golden years—a regular season renaissance. From 2011 to 2019, Rob posted nine straight winning seasons, making the playoffs each time. That’s the longest streak of winning seasons in league history. Unfortunately, all that consistency translated into absolutely nothing.

  • Seven of those years ended in quarterfinal losses
  • Two ended in semifinals exits
  • Zero ended with hardware

Then came the modern era—a.k.a. The Sad Years.

  • 2020: Finished dead last for the first time ever
  • 2021: Earned his first-ever top seed… only to lose in the quarterfinals to 8-seed Eric (who, insult to injury, won the whole thing)
  • 2022: Limped into the playoffs as the 8-seed, only to lose to Eric again, although Vozzola was the 1-seed.
  • 2023–2024: A grand total of 9 wins over two seasons. Missed the playoffs both years, finishing 10th back-to-back seasons. 

It’s been rough. Greatness hasn’t escaped Masterson; it refuses to make eye contact with him.

  • No championships
  • No scoring titles
  • Only one top seed
  • The only person in league history to never appear in a title game

So, what does 2025 hold? Could this finally be the year the Masterson Saga adds a chapter called “Respectability”? The man deserves at least a commemorative mug for sticking around this long. But can he finally put the pieces together and deliver a season worth remembering? I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then, Week One champ, lifelong playoff chump.

#8 GRIFF COOMER

RECORD: 191-191 | .500 (5th)
SCORING: 1,310 (8th)
AVG FINISH: 6.50 (8th)
AVG SCORING: 6.40 (8th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 16 of 26 | 61.5% (8th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 20-14 | .588 (5th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,398 (7th)
SCORING CROWNS: 1
TOP SEEDS: 2
TITLE GAMES: 8
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2

Griff Coomer: From Legend to Cautionary Tale

The headline coming out of 2023 was clear: He’s back! And then 2024 happened. Another lost season. Another forgettable record. Another reminder that the “he’s back” storyline was more fantasy than fantasy football. Now, we’re right back where we’ve been since 2016—watching a former titan stumble around like he forgot how to log into the app.

Once upon a time, though—and yes, I swear this is true—Griff Coomer was one of the greats.

From 1999 to 2015, the man was a machine:

  • Missed the playoffs just twice, both times with his foes leading the league in points scored against.
  • Never finished last
  • Never dipped below 8th in points
  • Earned two top seeds (2004, 2012)
  • Took home a scoring crown in 2005

But Griff’s real legacy was in the postseason, where he was basically John Holmes walking onto a porn set. 

  • 9-5 in the quarterfinals? Solid.
  • 8-2 in the semifinals? Dominant.
  • Eight trips to the title game by 2015—more than anyone at the time

Sure, he lost his first four shots at glory (falling in four of the league’s first six championship games), but he eventually broke through in 2005 and again in 2015—both times over Colby, because apparently smacking Hall around is what Griff does when he’s in the zone. After the magical 2015 season, he was right on the doorstep of being crowned the GOAT. I nearly bumped him to #1 all-time in the rankings before ultimately slotting him behind Bob. That was the high point.

Then came the collapse. What followed has been nothing short of fantasy football’s version of a Shakespearean tragedy. In the last nine seasons, Griff has: 

  • Eight losing seasons
  • Just one winning season (2023)
  • Seven missed postseasons
  • Two last-place finishes
  • Seven bottom-three finishes in that span

From 1999 to 2015, Griff never finished below 8th in scoring. Since 2017? He’s finished 9th, 9th, 11th, 11th, 10th, 12th, 3rd, 11th. This isn’t a slump. This is a New Orleans-style funeral procession, but instead of the smooth sounds of jazz, it’s just one guy following with sad trombone playing “wah-wah-wah” over and over again.

Worst yet, the man who once dominated the postseason like he had a Sports Almanac from the future in his back pocket, now functioned like Eric Stolz on the set of “Back to the Future.” 

  • 0-2 in the playoffs over the past nine years
  • His last playoff win? The 2015 title game
  • Nine straight seasons without a playoff win—the second-longest drought in league history, just two behind Eric’s record of 11

Where’s Michael J. Fox when you need him?

Still, as long as there’s pot residue in his lungs and AOL dial-up internet in his house, Griff’s story isn’t finished. The only questions that really matter…is sucking the new normal? Or can he somehow put the pieces back together, climb out of this lost decade, and write a new chapter worthy of the legend he used to be?

#7 JEFF GREENBLATT

RECORD: 115-130 | .469 (9th)
SCORING: 1,290 (9th)
AVG FINISH: 7.35 (10th)
AVG SCORING: 7.24 (9th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 9 of 17 | 52.9% (11th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 11-8 | .579 (6th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,450 (4th)
SCORING CROWNS: 0
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 4
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 1

Jeff Greenblatt: The Griff You Ordered on Wish
Jeff currently sits ninth in both all-time record and total points—basically, the Mendoza Line of our fantasy league. He doesn’t crack the top eight in any regular-season category that matters, yet somehow, I have him ranked ahead of Griff. Why? Well, for one, I do value recent performance a little, and Jeff’s been lighting up fantasy football like opponents light up his beloved Yankees bullpen. And second, unlike Griff, Jeff actually is the person who now shows up when it counts. He’s turned into something of a playoff menace, a.k.a. Griff 2.0: a good-but rarely great regular-season team that keeps stumbling into championship games like a guy who “accidentally” shows up at his ex’s wedding.

His early years? Let’s just say it took a while for Jeff to get off the tarmac. In 2003, his debut season, he failed to make the playoffs. After spending five years in a fantasy timeshare with Colby (co-owning, not as a couple), he went solo in 2009. The results? Rough. Through his first eight seasons flying alone, Jeff had just one winning record and only two playoff trips, both of which ended in the quarterfinals. He finished dead last in 2012 and came in last in scoring two years in a row (2011–12). Honestly, the guy looked like a fantasy baseball diehard being forced to do fantasy football.

But then…2016 happened. Jeff finally got tired of being the league’s punching bag and posted an 11-win season, earning the top seed and finishing second in points. He made it to the finals with ease—only to lose to Calderon. Still, it was a turning point. Since then, while he’s missed the playoffs three times, he’s always hanging around the hunt—twice finishing 9th and just barely missing the cut. His only true regression came in 2022, a 3-win clunker that reminded us you can never fully take the green out of Greenblatt.

The big leap in his career rankings lately? Playoff success. Since 2016, Jeff is a perfect 6-0 in the quarterfinals, which is wild considering he started his career 0-3 in that round. He’s gone 4-2 in the semifinals, reaching the finals four times—the most of any team since 2016. While he’s lost his last two trips, including one to Michael last winter, he did capture his elusive first title in 2020 by taking down yours truly.

In short: Jeff’s career is the fantasy football equivalent of a prestige TV drama—slow start, rough middle, but surprisingly strong third act. Just don’t ask him to win too many titles. He’s still got a bit of that old Griff in him.

#6 MICHAEL EVANGELIST

RECORD: 51-39 | .567 (3rd)
SCORING: 1,391 (1st)
AVG FINISH: 5.67 (4th)
AVG SCORING: 6.33 (7th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 5 of 6 | 83.3% (1st)
PLAYOFF W-L: 5-3 | 6.25 (3rd)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,463 (3rd)
SCORING CROWNS: 0
TOP SEEDS: 0
TITLE GAMES: 2
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 1

Mike: The Early Chapters of a Potential Fantasy Epic
The good doctor’s fantasy football story is still being written, and we’re only a few chapters in—but so far, those pages are looking pretty damn good. He scores, he wins, he makes the playoffs, he advances in those playoffs… and now he’s got the mug to choke back whatever he wets his whistler with (I’m going to assume an appletini). While it’s still a little early to induct him into the Fantasy Hall of Pretty Good, it’s officially time to stop treating him like a rookie and start treating him like a threat.

Let’s start with the flashy stat: Mike leads the league in points per game. Impressive, right? Sure…but you need to ignore the fact he’s only played during the “era of inflated scoring.” He’s basically the fantasy football version of an MLB player who only played during the steroid era. Need proof? He’s first in points per game, but just 7th in average finish in points in a season.

Still, five playoff appearances in six seasons isn’t luck—it’s consistency. And let’s be real, he should be a perfect six-for-six if it weren’t for the infamous Dalvin Cook disaster, where Mike basically mugged himself in broad daylight. In the playoffs, though, it was a slow burn—his first three postseason games were quarterfinal exits, including two where he failed to even hit 1,000 points.

Then came 2023. Mike took a pretty average team, gave it a Rocky-style makeover, and turned it into a legit title contender. He reached the finals before falling to Colby, who was busy running one of the most dominant squads in league history. But 2024? That’s when Mike put on his big boy pants and stepped up. His team was inconsistent, sure, but the highs were really high. With a lineup packed full of All-Robio selections and a couple of rookie wideouts playing out of their minds, he took down the league’s top scorer (Robio) in the quarterfinals and then coasted past Matt and Jeff to grab his first championship.

So what’s next? Why not a repeat? This league loves a good dynasty run. We’ve seen back-to-back titles from the likes of myself (1999–2000), Bob (2010–2011), Matt (2017–2018), and Colby (2022–2023). It’s basically a rite of passage for champs who want to be remembered and not just listed as “one-hit wonders.”

And hey, how about a scoring crown while we’re at it? Mike’s never actually finished higher than third in total points in a season—so he’s due for that and maybe that top-seed energy. With his current keeper core, there’s no reason he can’t run it all back again. Mike’s a legit contender heading into 2025, so if he wants to move from “rising star” to “fantasy legend,” it’s time to chase that repeat.

#5 COLBY HALL

RECORD: 151-153 | .497 (7th)
SCORING: 1,338 (6th)
AVG FINISH: 6.62 (8th)
AVG SCORING: 6.00 (4th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 14 of 21 | 66.7% (8th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 14-12 | .538 (7th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,403 (6th)
SCORING CROWNS: 3
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 4
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2

Colby Hall: From “Most Cursed” to Certified Champion
Tucker Carlson’s favorite bitch’s fantasy football journey has always read like a Greek tragedy—except with fewer gods and more Griff Coomer. Before 2022, he had built a solid reputation as the league’s hard-luck hero. He twice won the scoring crown and somehow managed to go just 13-13 in those seasons, with both playoff runs ending in the quarterfinals. He was the MVP of, “Well, that sucked.”

On top of that, from 2016 to 2017, he finished 5th in scoring both years… and missed the playoffs both years. Not because his opponents were putting up historic numbers—just your standard “bad luck meets bad timing” special. He was becoming the patron saint of misfortune.

And then there was his long-standing tormentor: Griff Coomer. Colby didn’t just lose two championship games to him (2005 and 2015), he also got bounced by Griff in three separate quarterfinals (2004, 2013, 2014). The man was basically Griff’s playoff punching bag. He only managed to beat Coomer once in the postseason, in 2011. Had he flipped any of those defeats, we might’ve been talking about one of the greatest dynasties in league history. Instead, after Calderon finally broke through in 2013, winning his first mug, Colby officially stole the title of “Best Team to Never Win a Championship” over Masterson, which is like a participation trophy, but with more emotional baggage.

But in 2022, the clouds finally broke. Not only did Colby get over the hump, he vaulted over it. He won nine games, made the playoffs, and took down 7-seed Neatock to secure his long-overdue first title.

Then came 2023, and Colby said, “One ring? Cute.” He became just the fourth team in league history to repeat as champion—but unlike myself, Bob, and Matt before him, his second title run was even better than the first. That squad won 11 games, averaged a monstrous 1,553 points in the regular season, and pulled off the in-season triple crown: top seed, scoring title, and another championship, this time taking out Michael in the finals.

In 2024, Colby gunned for the never-been-done-before three-peat—but his team was held together with duct tape, hope, and whatever free agents were left on the wire after his running backs switched from studs to duds. Still, he clawed his way back into the playoffs and shocked the league by knocking off top-seeded Calderon in the quarterfinals. The run ended in the semis against Jeff, but he was only two wins shy of doing something no one’s ever done.

Now in 2025, Colby’s chasing an elite milestone: winning three titles in four years—a feat only accomplished once before (by me). Can he do it? Maybe. Will luck finally stick around instead of abandoning him like it has most of his fantasy career? One thing’s for sure: the curse is broken. But history doesn’t remember the almosts—only the legends.

#4 MATT NEATOCK

RECORD: 161-162 | .498 (6th)
SCORING: 1,343 (5th)
AVG FINISH: 6.59 (7th)
AVG SCORING: 6.27 (6th)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 15 of 22 | 68.2% (7th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 20-11 | .645 (2nd)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,524 (1st)
SCORING CROWNS: 2
TOP SEEDS: 1
TITLE GAMES: 6
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 4

Neatock: The League’s Walking Fantasy Mad Lib
Trying to make sense of Neatock’s fantasy football career is like trying to explain cryptocurrency to your cat. The man has four championships—four!—yet sits below .500 for his career and has produced just nine winning seasons across 22 years. That’s not a dynasty; that’s M. Night Shyamalan’s list of credits.

This is a guy who has two scoring titles… and has also finished dead last in points twice. He’s never missed the playoffs three seasons in a row, which sounds impressive—until you remember he’s also finished dead last three times. Basically, every year with Matt is a mystery box: could be a ring, could be a trainwreck. He’s one of only two people in league history to win a title and then follow it up by finishing last (2008).

His overall numbers are, well… fine. He ranks 5th in total points, 6th in average scoring finish, and 7th in average standings finish. In the regular season, he’s 10 games under .500 and has only cracked double-digit wins once—in 2009. He does own those two scoring crowns, but has never averaged at least 1,500 points per game in any season. Ever. He’s basically been allergic to dominance in the regular season.

But here’s where Neatock flips the script: the playoffs. While Masterson melts in the postseason like a snowman in a stove, Neatock turns into the Robert “Rocky” Balboa. He has the second-best playoff win percentage in league history and owns the best playoff scoring average ever—1,524 points per game. In 2017, he dropped a record-breaking 5,684 points over three weeks (1,894 PPG), making his playoff run look like a Madden cheat code.

The scariest part? It doesn’t matter how mediocre or outright bad his team looks during the regular season—once the playoffs hit, Neatock activates Matt mode. He’s won his last six quarterfinal matchups as the lower seed, including each of the last three seasons. His ten semifinal trips are tied for third-most all-time, and his six finals appearances trail only league fossils Griff and myself. If we only counted stats since a majority of the league members joined in 2003, he’d be tied with us for most title game appearances.

And when he reaches the big game? Dude delivers. He’s a ridiculous 4-2 in the finals, hoisting trophies in 2007, 2009, 2017, and 2018. His lone losses? A one-point heartbreak to Bob in 2014 and a 100-point defeat to Colby in 2022. This basically means that the difference between Neatock having four rings and six comes down to a touchdown and 26 yards. Let that sink in.

So yeah—Neatock may never be a regular-season juggernaut, but come playoff time, he’s a certified killer. If you’ve ever “Been Neatock’D” in the post–you know. The regular season is just a warm-up act for the guy. You might laugh when he finishes 7th… but you better pray you don’t see him in December.

#3 RICH CALDERON

RECORD: 190-134 | .586 (2nd)
SCORING: 1,364 (4th)
AVG FINISH: 5.09 (3rd)
AVG SCORING: 4.86 (Tied 1st)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 18 of 22 | 81.8% (Tied for 1st)
PLAYOFF W-L: 17-16 | .515 (8th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,380 (8th)
SCORING CROWNS: 2
TOP SEEDS: 3
TITLE GAMES: 5
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2

Calderon: The League’s Most Reliable Regular Season Weapon
Calderon’s fantasy tale begins with one of the most painful gut punches in league history. The year: 2003 — an unassuming 8-seed toppled me, the 1-seed, in the quarterfinals. That single game didn’t just derail my title run—it ended the Murray Dynasty, crushing my bid for a fourth championship in five years. It was the first time an 8-seed had ever pulled off the upset. That game remains Calderon’s most iconic moment—but let’s be clear: this guy’s no one-hit wonder.

In fact, Calderon has arguably been one of the two most consistent forces in league history, right there with Bob. His credits read like a fantasy football clinic:

  • 12 winning seasons
  • Never finished with fewer than five wins
  • Only four missed playoffs (tied with Bob)
  • In 22 seasons, he’s never been eliminated from playoff contention before the final week. That’s stunningly impressive. 

Even his “bad” seasons are…not that tragic.

  • Three 9th-place finishes
  • And in 2011, when he finished 11th, he was still one game away from a playoff spot

That kind of consistency should be illegal. Only Michael can claim the same level of last-week relevance, and he’s got a fraction of Calderon’s mileage. And just to rub it in:

  • Three 1st-place finishes since 2018 (no one else has more than one)
  • Nine straight playoff appearances—now the longest active streak in the league after Eric’s streak finally snapped.

Having said that, for all of Calderon’s regular season excellence, the postseason is where the dream often dies too soon.

  • Five finals appearances (tied for third-most)—impressive
  • Two championships (2013, 2016)—solid
  • But his playoff record? Just one game over .500
  • His playoff PPG (1,380) ranks eighth
  • His postseason win percentage drops by .71 points compared to the regular season. That’s the definition of a cliff dive. 

His biggest problem? The curse of trying to be great when his team is really good.

  • Three top seeds, but only a 3-3 playoff record with them—zero titles
  • His first three times as a 2-seed? A soul-crushing 0-3
  • Yes, both of his titles eventually came as a 2-seed (2013 & 2016), but that just makes the earlier chokes sting more
  • And lately? The quarterfinals have become a personal house of horrors: three straight first-round exits

If the playoffs are a different beast, Calderon is still figuring out how to tame it. Still, despite his hiccups in December, Calderon is absolutely a legit contender for the top spot in league history. With a shot to become just the second person to reach 10 straight playoff appearances, his ability to stay relevant every single year keeps him firmly in the elite.

The question is: Can he finally turn one of these monster regular seasons into a championship mug?

#2 ROBIO MURRAY

RECORD: 217-171 | .559 (4th)
SCORING: 1,376 (2nd)
AVG FINISH: 5.54 (3rd)
AVG SCORING: 4.88 (1st)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 18 out of 26 | 69.2% (6th)
PLAYOFF W-L: 27-13 | .675 (1st)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,510 (2nd)
SCORING CROWNS: 6
TOP SEEDS: 4
TITLE GAMES: 9
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 5

ROBIO’S THREE ACT PLAY
My story can be told in three distinct acts—an epic saga of triumph, turmoil, and self-inflicted playoff trauma. Act One was the golden era. The first five years were a masterclass in fantasy domination:

  • Five straight playoff trips
  • Two top seeds
  • Two scoring titles
  • Four semifinal appearances
  • Three finals
  • Three of the league’s first four championships

I wasn’t just winning—I was setting the league standard. Dynasty talk? Already happening. I was basically the Patriots before the hoodie cutoffs. Then came Act Two, kicked off by the gut-wrenching quarterfinal loss to 8-seed Calderon—a defeat so brutal it should’ve come with a content warning. That loss triggered 15 long, erratic years of fantasy football that can best be described as “chaotic.”

In that stretch:

  • I missed the playoffs eight times
  • Finished dead last three times (2009, 2014, 2018)
  • Finished last in points twice

But when I did show up? I showed out:

  • Two more top seeds
  • Two more scoring titles
  • Four more finals appearances between 2006–2012
  • One more championship in 2012, putting Eric out of his misery

So yes, I had moments of brilliance. But let’s not sugarcoat it—this act had more ups and downs than a pair of tits on a trampoline. Fortunately, then came Act Three, the redemption arc—sorta of. First, In 2019, I assembled what the numbers say is the greatest fantasy team in league history, averaging an absurd 1,715 points per game (regular season and playoffs) and steamrolling my way to a fifth title. It was the kind of season they write songs about.

That season kicked off my most consistent stretch ever:

  • Six straight playoff appearances (my best run)
  • A sixth career scoring title in 2024
  • Back-to-back title game trips in 2019 (win) and 2020 (loss)

But since then? The postseason has haunted me. Before 2021, I had only one career quarterfinals loss. Since then? Four straight first-round exits. Twice to teams that won it all. At this point, I’m just a very handsome stepping stone.

The Big Picture:

  • Fourth in all-time win percentage
  • Second in points-per-game average
  • First in average finish in points
  • Still first in playoff win percentage (somehow, even after five straight playoff losses)
  • Second in total playoff points
  • First in scoring titles
  • Tied for first in top seeds
  • Nine title game appearances, five championships—both league bests

Sure, having four extra seasons than most helps pad the numbers, but let’s not pretend longevity doesn’t count. I’ve been at the table from the start, and I’ve racked up accolades the way Eric and Burrier rack up 8-seed berths. But here’s the harsh truth: I’ve won just two championships in the last 22 seasons. That’s not GOAT behavior—that’s Uncle Rico energy. 

So while my career numbers are undeniably elite, and the shelf full of mugs is still the envy of the league, until I snap this playoff cold streak, I can’t justify giving myself the top spot.

#1 BOB CASTRONE

RECORD: 194-133 | .593 (1st)
SCORING: 1,374 (3rd)
AVG FINISH: 5.00 (2nd)
AVG SCORING: 4.86 (2nd)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 18 of 22 | 81.8% (Tied 1st)
PLAYOFF W-L: 21-14 | .600 (4th)
PLAYOFF PTS: 1,438 (4th)
SCORING CROWNS: 4
TOP SEEDS: 3
TITLE GAMES: 5
CHAMPIONSHIPS: 4

Mr. Castrone: The King Still Reigns…For Now
Bob Castrone holds onto the top spot for at least one more season. He’s had this honor since 2011—but these days, it’s starting to feel a little less like a throne and a little more like a wobbly barstool. The man still has the credits of a legend, but the shine is fading, and the vultures are starting to circle.

First, let’s give credit where it’s due: Bob returned to the playoffs in 2024 after a two-year absence—the first time he had missed back-to-back postseasons after only missing it twice in his first 19 seasons. That’s nearly two decades of rock-solid dominance.

The full body of work is still incredible, and it’s why he remains at the top:

  • Best all-time winning percentage
  • 15 winning regular seasons
  • Only once finished with fewer than five wins (2005)
  • 16 consecutive playoff appearances (a league record)
    For perspective: no one else has even hit 10 straight—Calderon is next up with 9 and counting. 

He’s also:

  • 2nd in average finish
  • 2nd in total scoring average per season
  • Still holding on to 4 scoring titles
  • 3 top seeds
  • 5 title game appearances
  • 4 championship mugs

That’s a Hall of Fame career by any metric. If this league had a Mount Rushmore, Bob’s face would already be carved into the mountain… probably offering insane trade-deadline proposals. But let’s talk about the present. Because lately? The guy’s been coasting on past glory like Danny Masterson during prison shower time. 

  • It’s been over a decade since Bob last won a title
  • Eight years since he even reached a championship game
  • Since 2018, he’s just 1-5 in the playoffs, with four quarterfinal exits
  • That includes yet another early bounce this past season

At this point, Bob’s playoff runs are starting to look less like deep runs and more like polite cameos. “Thanks for showing up. Now please lose to a lower seed on your way out.”

Yes, single-elimination formats can be cruel—sometimes the fantasy gods just roll the dice and send you packing. But when you keep stumbling in the same round year after year, at some point it’s not bad luck—it’s a pattern. That said, Bob’s regular season dominance remains untouched. For over 20 years, he has set the gold standard for consistency. Nobody’s been better over the long haul, and until someone else can match both the longevity and the peak, the crown stays with Castrone… even if it’s starting to slide off a bit. If Bob wants to stay on top, he’s going to have to do something he hasn’t done in a while: win when it actually matters.