As we all should know, this league was once a Florida league, filled with Floridians. Soon after its creation though, your beloved commish would venture off to the north and by 2003, many of the teams would switch from folks in Florida to New Yorkers. The exceptions were David Hightower, the Vozzola clan, plus a pair of Coomers. In time, Hightower would be gone, followed by Molly. Eric, still in the league, eventually traded in hot for hot when he moved from South Florida to East Texas. This left just Don and Griff as the sole remaining Florida Men in this league.
Of course, the question is, which of the two is the true FLORIDA MAN. You know the “Florida Man” trope; a popular internet phenomenon and news trope that refers to sensational or unusual stories about people from Florida. A common story might read: Florida Man, high on bath salts, has leg bitten off by an alligator while trying to swim away from the cops after stealing a pair of poodles from the granddaughter of one of the Lollipop Kids in The Wizard of Oz’s.
Stories like these are comical, yes…but also so sad. Of course, sad is the only word to describe the current state of Florida and the fantasy careers of our final two fantasy teams from the Sunshine State. While Don’s decline actually began earlier in 2012, I just want to focus on the last nine seasons these two have given us, living in America’s Wang.
Over the last nine seasons, this is what Don and Griff have done. The pair have a combined record of 92-150. That’s a .382 winning percentage. They have produced 15 losing seasons (out of 18). In contrast, the other current teams in the league are 619-552 (.529 win percentage). While the rest of us have averaged 1,380 points per game since 2016, Griff and Don combined are averaging just 1,262 points per contest. That’s a 118 difference.
In those nine years, there have been 111 weekly high scores. They have accounted for 10 of them. There have been 111 weekly low scores, but these two have produced 22 of them. Since 2016, neither has earned a top seed or a scoring crown, missing the playoffs a total of 13 times out of 18 seasons. Combined they have finished dead last seven out of the last nine seasons. Their average finish in the standings during this time is 9.2, as is their average finish in points.
When they do make the playoffs (which is rare), they don’t really do much. Don is 1-3, beating Colby in the 2018 quarterfinals by 66 points. Griff has done even less. He’s 0-2 in the postseason since 2016. The man who once reached eight of the first 17 title games hasn’t sniffed the semifinals or won a playoff game since 2015. Not-So-Fun fact: The last time these two both appeared in a postseason together was 2011 and thanks to their struggles to make the playoffs lately, they have never faced off in the playoffs, despite a combined 50 seasons of fantasy football.
Both have clearly earned the label of FLORIDA MAN, but who has truly been the worst of the worst?
RECORD:
Griff: 41-80
Don: 51-70
Don’s .421 winning percentage is pretty bad, but nothing compared to Griff’s .313 winning percentage, which is not only the worst in the league since 2016, it’s the worst nine-year stretch by any team EVER in this league. Prior to that, Eric had the worst nine-year run with a .364 winning percentage between 2003-2011.
POINTS:
Griff: 1,244
Don: 1,280
In an era where scoring is up and anything below 1,400 per game feels like a disappointment, both Don and Griff have struggled to put up points. In fact, neither has averaged 1,400 per game in any season since 2016. However, Griff has clearly struggled more. Eight of Griff’s last nine seasons have all ended up among the bottom 12 lowest scoring seasons he has produced, led by his 2022 team that averaged only 1,057 points per game. The last person currently in the league to not even average 1,100 points per game in a season was Burrier, way back in 2013. The last time someone averaged as low as Griff’s 1,057 was when both Masterson and Eric failed to average at least that back in 2010.
AVERAGE FINISH IN STANDINGS/POINTS:
Griff: 9.3 & 9.3
Don: 9.0 & 9.0
Officially, Griff is worse than Don, but averages won’t reveal the entire story. Griff has only finished last in the standings two times, while finishing last in points once. Meanwhile, finishing dead last is sorta Don’s thing. He’s finished last five times since 2016 (six times if we go back one more season). He’s finished last in points twice since 2016 (three times going back to 2015). So, I would say, while Don’s average is better (thanks to finishing third twice), Vozzola is actually the worst of the two in this category.
POSTSEASON TRIPS:
Griff: 2
Don: 3
Both have had a four-year stretch where they failed to qualify for the postseason. That’s the second longest streak in league history behind Eric’s six-year run to begin his career without a playoff trip. Still, if we go back three more seasons, Don actually has two 4-year runs without a playoff trip and he’s currently heading into this season trying to become the second person to go five straight years without a postseason invite.
PLAYOFF RECORD & POINTS:
Griff: 0-2, 1,400 PPG
Don: 1-3, 1,335 PPG
Don has the only win between these two in the postseason since 2016, although this is where luck comes into play. Griff has actually scored decent in the playoffs, scoring 1,444 in a 2017 defeat to Matt and 1,355 in a 2023 defeat to Matt again. The problem for him is, Neatock scores a lot more. In fact, in those two losses, Griff has faced 2,218 points (2017) and 1,643 (2023), which is an average of 1,931 points per game. Meanwhile, Don has faced 1,465 points per game in the playoffs, with only one of his opponents topping 1,500 in any game.
CONCLUSION
Based on these numbers, only from 2016, I would argue that Griff is the true Florida Man, but the reality is, Don has been struggling longer. While Coomer was wrapping up his second title in 2015, Don was missing the playoffs that year, as well as the three previous seasons before that. If I went back to 2012, Griff would be better in every major category I just discussed.
Thus, Don will remain his hold of the title of FLORIDA MAN, but Griff over the last nine seasons has really begun to challenge him.