UNCLE DON VOZZOLA
Est. 2001
LAST SEASON
Started the year winning his first three games, but a week four defeat to Griff was the beginning of a brutal nine-week losing streak, that featured two weekly low scores and four total games under 1,000. He did manage to keep Bob out of the playoffs in week thirteen, thanks to a stunning 5-point victory, so there’s that. Don would end the year with just four total wins, becoming just the fourth person to begin a season 3-0 and not make the playoffs (out of 46 teams) and his 10 defeats were the most ever by a team that started 3-0. His squad averaged only 1,235 points per game, which was second worst last year only to Burrier.
CAREER
Don’s career split has been well-documented, but that doesn’t mean we won’t document it again. Between 2001 and 2011, Don may never have been great, but he was good. He made it to the playoffs 10 times, including a then record eight straight seasons between 2004-2011. He earned both a scoring title (2007) and a top seed (2005) and became the first 7-seed to win it all, doing it twice, both times against me in 2006 and 2008. Those overall results were the kind of results many teams would strive for in fantasy football.
Yet, beginning in 2012, a new Don appeared on the scene and there was nothing pretty about this guy. Since that 2012 season, Don has delivered only two winning seasons. He went 9-4 and earned the 3-seed in both 2016 and 2019. In that same time frame, Don has not cracked the top five in scoring in any of those 12 seasons. In a league that lets eight teams make the playoffs, he’s only made it to the postseason three times and he’s only won a single quarterfinals playoff game against Colby in 2018.
For his career, he has finished dead last in points three times and he’s finished in last place five times, including four of the last nine years. Currently, he has failed to qualify for the postseason in his last four seasons. This is the second time he’s gone four years without a postseason trip (2012-2015). If he fails again this year, he’ll become just the third person to miss the postseason five straight years.
Overall, Don has a 147-178 record. His .452 winning percentage is the second worst among current teams. He averages 1,234 points per game, which is last in the league. He’s made it to the postseason in only 52.2% of his seasons (12 out of 23), which is the second worst average. In fact, he’s produced only six winning regular seasons in 23 years, which is the lowest percentage in league history. His average finish in the standings is 8.35, which is the lowest in our league and his average finish in points is 7.65, is the second lowest in our history.
In the postseason, his points per game average does jump to 1,314, which is 10th best and he’s 9-10 overall in the playoffs. His .474 postseason win percentage is 8th best, although six of those nine wins came in those two title runs. This means he has only three playoffs win in his other 21 seasons.
FUN WITH NUMBERS
5.9% of his 306 career regular season games have been weekly high scores (second lowest average), while his 11.1% have been weekly low scores, which is the second most. Oddly enough, his opponents have produced the most weekly high scores (9.8% of his games), but his opponents have also produced the most weekly low score (9.5%). This would mean his opponent has either scored the weekly high or weekly low score in one-fifth of all of Don’s games.
Overall, Don has failed to top 1,000 in 20.6% of his career games, which is the most by any team. He’s top 1,500 in only 16.6% of his games, which is the lowest in the league’s history. Meanwhile, his opponents failed to top 1,000 in 17.5% of his games and his foes topped 1,500 in 26.7% of his contests.
Don, back in 2019, won six straight games to start the season. It was the fourth best start in league history and the six-game win streak is tied for the 29th longest in league history. When he lost nine straight last year, it was his longest losing streak and tied for the third longest in league history.
The senior Vozzola once produced 31 straight 1,000-pt games between 2018-2020, which is tied for the 6th longest streak. He also once went 37 straight weeks without a weekly low score (2017-2020), which is tied for the 16th longest streak. However, he has twice produced 50+ game streaks without a weekly high score. His 56-game streak (2009-2013) and 53-game streak (2002-2006) without a weekly high are the 4th and 5th longest in league history. He also went 24 games without a 1,500-pt game (2014-2016), which is tied for the 7th lowest streak in league history.
Don’s highest scoring game was in week nine, 2008, when he scored 2,228 against Burrier. That was the 10th most points ever scored in a game. When it comes to combined points, Don and Matt in 2022 combined to score 3,901 points (Don beat Matt, 2061 – 1840), which was the fifth most combined points in league history.
On the flip side, in 2003, Don scored only 263 points, which remains the lowest point total ever produced by a team in a game. In that same contest, Don’s foe, Molly only scored 494 points. Their 757 combined points is the lowest point total by two teams in one game. No other game has failed to combine for at least 1,000. On top of that, in 2001, Don lost to Jason by 1,463 points, which remains the third highest ass-kicking in league history.