15 of 16 Games in the Books — What Did We Learn?
Josh Allen remains a fantasy god. The Ravens continue inventing new and creative ways to blow games that will inevitably cost them home-field advantage.
The Dolphins’ head coach might be lucky to make it to the bye week. And former Giants like Saquon Barkley and Daniel Jones are living their best lives far away from the Big Apple.
But most importantly—how did it affect us?
Scoring was low across the board. We could easily end up with more teams under 1,000 points than over 1,500. And with just one game left on the schedule, only one matchup remains truly undecided: Jeff vs. Don.
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Jeff holds a 230-point lead, but he’s finished for the week. Don still has D.J. Moore going Monday night. CBS gives Jeff a 79% chance to win, but that feels high. They’re only projecting Moore for 135 points—which seems low. He topped 230 three times last season, including a 272-point explosion vs. Minnesota in Week 11.
A comeback win would lift Don to 13-12 in Week One games. Jeff is looking to claw his way to 7-12 (he currently owns the second-worst Week One record in league history).
If Jeff hangs on, he’ll improve to 11-12 all-time against Don—and it’ll mark his third straight win over the old man.
BROOKLYN LIBTARDS OVER DUDELOVE
The defending champ didn’t just lose—he’s likely headed for the weekly low score. That’s happened only three times in league history: Bob twice (2004, 2011) and Jeff in 2021.
Michael drops to 4-3 in Week One games, falling from second-best to fourth all-time. Colby improves to 9-13, which still isn’t great—but he’s now won four straight openers.
He also improves to 7-4 lifetime against Michael. His seven defeats to Colby are the most Evangelist has against one team.
THE DICK-TATERS TOP THUNDERPANTS
Calderon is over 1,500 and leads Burrier by 661 points. Burrier only has Jordan Mason left tonight… and I don’t think anyone’s betting on a 661-point miracle.
Calderon improves to 21-14 all-time vs. the other Rich. He became just the third person in league history to log 21+ wins over two different opponents (Burrier, Colby). The others? Robio (vs. Griff, Don) and Bob (vs. Robio, Don).
He’s also now 15-8 in Week One, with a .652 winning percentage—second-best in league history, trailing only Masterson. Meanwhile, Burrier falls to 8-16, holding the lowest Week One win rate at .333.
THE GENIUS HOLDS OFF TWO-HEADED RUSSIN’ ATTACK
Matt enters Monday night with a 725-point cushion and the Vikings D/ST still in play. Rob has Caleb Williams and Hockenson, but that’s a massive gap. Honestly, if Rob breaks 1,000, that might feel like a moral win.
A solid opening for Matt, who might’ve challenged for the weekly high had Xavier Worthy not gotten hurt. Hell, if the Vikings D/ST can muster up 252 against the Bears tonight, he still could take that honor.
Anyhow, he improves to 14-9 in Week One, having now won four of his last five openers. Masterson, once the king of Week One (he started his career 15-1), has now lost five of his last eight—but his 18-6 mark still reigns supreme.
Matt also improves to 16-15 against Rob, now riding a five-game win streak in the matchup dating back to 2023.
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Griff leads Bob by just 21 points, but with Jefferson still to play, while Bob is done, this one’s all but locked up. Unless Jefferson posts a 1-catch, 4-yard, 1-fumble disaster, Griff walks away the winner.
This ends Griff’s eight-game losing streak to Bob—the last win came in 2018. He now sits at 14-18 all-time in the rivalry and improves to 14-13 in Week One, snapping a two-year skid.
Bob, despite all his league success, falls to 9-14 in Week One and has now lost eight of his last ten openers.
LAMB CHOPS OVER CLASS OF 2029
Eric takes the win and should finish with the weekly high score—snapping a two-year losing streak in openers. He’s now 11-14 in Week One.
Odd stat: This is his fifth Week One high score, now the most in league history.
As for me? I scored more than expected but still fell to 10-17 in Week One—the most opening-week losses in league history.
This also ends a six-game winning streak I had over Eric. His last win against me came in 2020. Still, I lead the all-time series 20-11.