This week, thanks to another 700-point effort, Griff was eliminated from the postseason, joining Don in a place they are becoming too familiar with. This leaves Colby and Masterson chasing Matt, Bob and Michael and Eric. Yet, those two are two games down, so points matter, which means the playoff race is really a three-man race between Eric, Rob and Colby, as Vozzola has a sizable lead.
On to the rankings…
#1 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C)
Talk about a conflict of emotions. Rich Calderon, a Giants fan, is forced to cheer for a team who allowed their best player to go to a division rival. In the old days, Rich would spend his days wishing for an ACL tear on the new Eagles back. But thanks to fantasy, he actually has to cheer for Barkley and the Eagles.
This week, the league’s top team did plenty of cheering, as Barkley produced the 9th greatest game in league history by a running back. Thanks to 255 yards rushing, 47 receiving (302 in total), plus two 70-yard rushing touchdowns, Barkley finished with 722 points.
Just so we know, the all-time greatest fantasy performance by a back in our league was Clinton Portis in week 14 of the 2003 season. He finished with 218 rushing yards, 36 receiving and five touchdowns. He finished with what would be today 808 points. He’s the only running back to ever crack 800 points in a game.
#2 ATTACK OF THE CAT SNACK (ROBIO)
This was supposed to be a week I lost. I was down four starters, including my star QB, both my backs and my tight end. Well, in stepped a couple of waiver pickups that drove me to my ninth win of the year.
Caleb Williams had his best game of a pro, with 340 yards passing and a pair of TDs. He finished with 402 points. On top of that, the third string running back in Vegas, Abdullah, produced a solid 190 points. I also got 130 from Hopkins filling in for Robinson and at the tight end spot, I might have a new replacement, as Jonnu Smith looks better than anyone I had at that spot all season. In his last two games, he has 15 catches for 188 yards and three scores, producing 556 fantasy points.
#3 AIYUK ACHANE ADONAI ELOHEINU MELEKH HA’OLAM (BOB)
About two-thirds of Jayden Daniels 430 points came in the final three minutes of the Commanders game against the Cowboys. In fact, one 86-yard TD pass to McLaurin handed Bob 349 points. If we erase those final three minutes, Bob loses to Colby.
He got the win though and he’s a near lock to make the playoffs. Now, I’m a big believer in “you don’t want to make decisions in the postseason.” Yet, at RB, while Bob seems to be secure with Achane and Taylor, Pollard’s 300-pt effort this week may show that Taylor is not a lock.
At wide out, Bob will need to make decisions too. Each week he has to pick between McLaurin, Higgins and Smith-Njiba. The Seahawks wide receiver is making a good argument to be a weekly starter. After scoring 480 three weeks ago, he has followed it up with back-to-back 200-pt games.
#4 FOOTBALL (JEFF)
Jeff had a 1,900-point game last week, sandwiched between two games where his boys failed to hit 1,300. How does that happen? Well, it helps to have Jared Goff as your QB. The Lions QB had 556 points last week. However, he scored just 134 the week before that game and 148 the week after. In fact, that 556 point effort in week 11, is the only time Goff has hit 200 fantasy points since week 7.
Yet, the biggest obstacle to Jeff’s title hopes is his lack of a WR1. Tyreek Hill is supposed to be that man and when he got Tua back, we expected his 2023 numbers to return. Instead, Hill can’t stay healthy and is struggling. He had just five catches for 48 yards this week and he hasn’t hit 100 yards receiving since week one.
#5 THUNDERPANTS (RICH B)
Let’s just get it out there…is Burrier a team of destiny this season? I mean, this is a guy who kept two bye-week players in his lineup and still won. A man who didn’t make his first non-kicker, non-Sunday pickup until week ten. The same man who beat the highest scoring team last week by just 81 points, then followed it up with a six-point win over Jeff. Best yet, this was Burrier’s second 6-point win this season (he beat Matt back in week four, 1496-1490). Want more? Six points isn’t even his tightest win. He beat Colby by just three points (1,058-1,055) back in week five. That’s the first 3-point win in league history.
He not only became the first person in league history to have two wins by less than 10 points in one season, he actually has three this season.
This week, all glory goes to Patrick Mahomes, who had his best game of the season, scoring 428 fantasy points, thanks to three touchdown passes. No one else on this team went above 150 points (that was his kicker), as no running back or receiver scored a TD this week and none managed to sniff 100 yards receiving or rushing.
#6 THE GENIUS (MATT)
After back-to-back 1,700 point games, Matt’s squad has failed to hit 1,300 in their last three and he’s dropped two straight. Now, he’s going to be a playoff team and the odds are he’s going to pull off some kind of first round upset, thanks to Hurts and Henry being able to put up big digits. Hell, Cortland Sutton might be the best wideout in football right now. In his last four games he has 38 targets, 28 catches for 370 yards and a score.
Yet, how does this team that can’t even beat Don win three in a row in the postseason? With players like Stevenson delivering 46 fantasy points? With LaPorta, one of the biggest busts in tight end history, delivering only three catches per game?
#7 STROUD BOYS (ERIC)
For the third time this season, Eric leaves a week as the lowest scoring team. This is the 7th time he’s had at least three weekly low scores in a season. That’s tied with Burrier for most in a career. Of course, the last time he did it, he won his only championship.
That season he was the 8-seed and right now, he’s the 8-seed, holding a two-game lead over Masterson and Colby. Obviously one more win in his final two and he’s a playoff team. Even if he goes 0-2, he’ll need either Rob or Colby to go 2-0 and then catch him in points. He leads Rob by 522 points and Colby by 1,047 points.
This week, benching Stroud didn’t hurt him, as he and Herbert basically scored the same amount of points. However, he was killed by the fact no skill player sniffed 100 yards receiving or rushing and none scored a TD. Mixon was particularly bad. He came in averaging 324 points per game and finished with 90, managing just 22 yards on 14 rushes against Tennessee.
#8 DUDELOVE (MICHAEL)
A nice solid effort from the Dudes in week 12. He got big digits from his star, as Gibbs hit 318, while high draft picks like Nacua and Kittle each topped 220 fantasy points.
Hopefully Purdy’s injury isn’t a long-term issue. Jordan Love may have felt like a starting-worthy QB at the beginning of the year, but he’s struggling to put up numbers right now. He hasn’t sniffed 300 fantasy points since week six and since week eight, he has the same amount of passing touchdowns (3) as he has interceptions (3).
9 TWO HEADED RUSHIN ATTACK (ROB M)
It’s been a challenging few years for Rob in this league. After an impressive nine-year regular season run, he’s returned to the days where making the playoffs has proven hard. The reality is, decisions and near misses play a big part.
Think back to keeper selection. Rob kept two Jets, Hall and Wilson. Hall has been good, while Wilson has had moments. Neither is among the top-10 at their position. Yet, Rob could have kept Derrick Henry in the first round and De’Von Achane in round 11. As for near misses, I know Masterson wanted Achane in the second round, but Bob snagged him one pick before him. He ended up with Marvin Harrison, who is the 29th ranked wideout.
However, late in round seven he can only blame himself when he selected Caleb Williams over Jayden Daniels (who Bob took with the next pick). Daniels is the league’s third best QB, while Williams just had his best game of the year for me this week (and isn’t even ranked among the top-20 arms).
#10 MAGIC NUMBERS (COLBY)
I don’t want to look for the signing fat lady just yet, but it looks like Colby’s magical run will come to an end very soon. He’s now two games back of a playoff spot. He will need Eric to go 0-2, while he goes 2-0, while out-scoring Eric by 1,047 points. That seems like a lot for a team that has topped 1,500 just twice all season.
Obviously it’s not Colby’s fault that the 49ers lied about McCaffrey’s injury as the season approached and did anyone else predict Etienne becoming a pile of flaming garbage? Some might argue that if Colby was smart enough to have Jordan Mason, he would have been a playoff team, but that’s not true. I went back and the only loss that Colby could have reversed with Mason in his lineup was a three-point defeat to Burrier. Even with that, he’d still be a game out of the playoffs and about 800+ points behind Eric in points.
#11 REAL MEN PRODUCE PORN (GRIFF)
Got to feel bad for Coomer. Sure his house blew down, but that’s just real life. In fantasy, he’s been forced to face two 700-point efforts in three weeks. In week 10, he took on Burrier, who got 708 points from Ja’Marr Chase. This week he had to take on Barkley and his 722 points.
His opponents have not only scored the most points this season, they’ve scored nearly 1,000 more than the next person’s opponents. His foes are averaging 1,523 points per game, which would be the second most points a team has ever faced in one season. That record belongs to Bob. His opponents in 2022 averaged 1,528 points per game.
#12 AI BUILD MY TEAM (DON)
Don wins his third game of the year and tops 1,500 for the first time. The heroes of week 12 were Jacobs, who had 392 points, thanks to three 1-yard TDs and Wadde, who finally woke the fuck up with 348 points. He finished with 144 yards. Since week two, you couldn’t add three of his games and come up with 144 yards.