We’re less than a month away from kickoff. Some of you are busy mock-drafting like you’re prepping for a Harvard dissertation, others are…Don. Let’s rewind and embrace the chaos of Week One history.
Who rules opening week like a fantasy god? Who should be legally banned from setting their lineup until Week Two? And more importantly—what does it all really mean? Let’s dig into the records, the glory, the shame, and everything in between.
Week One All-Time Records
ROB MASTERSON: 18-5 (.783)
He’s the Week One GOAT… technically. Masterson reclaims the top spot after Michael fell flat on his face in week one of last year. With 15 wins in his first 16 Week Ones, Rob went on an 11-year heater (2007–2017). But here’s the kicker: he’s only 3-4 in his last seven Week Ones. The king’s crown? Looking a bit loose. Bonus stat: zero Week One low scores, but only one high score (2019).- MICHAEL EVANGELIST: 4-2 (.667)
Briefly the golden boy of Week One…Michael lost last year and posted his first ever Week One low score, which is like tripping on the first stair. That said, he still won the title, joining the ultra-rare club of “low score but still champ”. - RICH CALDERON: 14-8 (.636)
Rich is the silent assassin of Week One. Tied for most Week One high scores (4), all since 2014—he’s cooking with gas lately. After a 4-5 start to his career, he’s gone 10-3 since 2012. More consistent than Griff’s Wi-Fi. Also, never had a low score in Week One. - MATT NEATOCK: 13-9 (.591)
Started slow. Really slow. Like Windows 95 slow. But since 2014? He’s 8-3 and quietly dangerous. Two high scores, one low, and 3-1 in championship seasons. - GRIFF COOMER: 13-13 (.500)
The literal definition of fantasy football chaos. Griff has lost three straight in Week One… three different times. He’s also pulled off three separate three-game winning streaks. The league’s coin flip. Never had a Week One low score, though, which is honestly suspicious. - DON VOZZOLA: 12-12 (.500)
Sitting perfectly average, like a fantasy football dad bod. But Don is tied for the most Week One high scores (4), so he can flex. Unfortunately, in 2023, he became the second guy ever to produce a weekly high score in Week One and still miss the playoffs. Shameful, if Don could feel shame. - ERIC VOZZOLA: 10-14 (.417)
Eric started his Week One career like he was allergic to winning (3-9), then won four straight… before tumbling into a 3-7 slide. He’s currently on a two-game losing streak and tied for the most high scores (4), but you’d never know it based on his record. Feast or famine. - BOB CASTRONE: 9-13 (.409)
A dynasty builder when it counts, but Week One is his Bermuda Triangle. He’s won three straight just once, and dropped six of his last eight. Also owns the league record for most Week One low scores (5). Somehow managed a low score in 2014… the year he won a title. Castrone work in mysterious ways. - ROBIO MURRAY: 10-16 (.385)
The commissioner. The legend. The Week One… liability. I’ve been reliably terrible in opening weeks, never stringing together three straight wins. I had one high score and two low scores, but oddly enough, won Week One in all four of my most recent title runs. - COLBY HALL: 8-13 (.385)
Colby once lost six straight Week One games (2014–2019), which should’ve come with a wellness check. But since 2020? 4-1, riding a league-best three-game win streak. A true comeback king. Still, he’s one of only three people to never post a Week One high score. Solid, not sexy. - JEFF GREENBLATT: 6-11 (.353)
Started 0-6 in Week Ones, which sounds fake until you remember this is a guy who can watch an entire baseball game on television. Things have turned around a bit—he’s 5-4 in his last nine—but still waiting on his first high score. Notably, he ended Masterson’s 11-game win streak in 2018, and snapped Robio’s playoff win streak in 2021. The ultimate streak killer. - RICHARD BURRIER: 8-15 (.348)
Dead last in winning percentage, with a reputation that screams “week one punching bag.” Only won back-to-back Week One games once. He’s tied for most low scores in Week One (4). If Week One was a boxing match, he’d be entering the ring with a blindfold.
FUN WITH OTHER NUMBERS
THE CHAMPIONS
Champions are 18-8 in Week One (.692)—strong, but not quite Masterson-strong. Oddly, only two champions ever posted a Week One high score (Burrier ‘03, Calderon ‘16), but four won it all despite dropping a low score in Week One (Robio ’99, Bob ’04, Bob again ’14, Michael last year). Moral: you can stink it up early and still win—if you’re built different.
WEEK ONE LOSS = PLAYOFF PAIN
Of the 100 teams that have missed the playoffs, they went just 32-68 in Week One (.320). That’s a massive red flag. They also contributed 11 low scores and only 2 high scores, proving that a rough start often means a rougher finish.
HIGH SCORES = HIGH HOPES
Teams with a Week One high score have made the playoffs 23 out of 25 times. That’s a 92% success rate. Oh—and two of them won the whole thing. Start fast, win big.
LOW SCORES = NO GUARANTEES
Week One low scores? Not ideal. But somehow, 4 of those 25 low-score teams have ended the season as champions. It’s rare. It’s weird. But it happens.
TAKEAWAYS
- Masterson still wears the Week One crown—but it’s tarnished.
- Bob owns the throne… of lowest scores.
- Calderon might be the most underrated Week One monster.
- If you’re aiming for the playoffs, winning in Week One is more than a flex—it’s a trend.
- But hey, if you bottom out, just tell everyone you’re “pulling a Michael,” cause more Week One low scores have won championships.
Week One is where legends are born… or where your team goes to die before the group chat even gets spicy. Choose your path wisely.