Rob Masterson. He walked into Monday night with a Jets win already in his back pocket and a near guaranteed victory in this league, only to spend the evening sweating out a massive comeback by Griff. Fortunately, the Broncos were so pathetic that Kenneth Walker got pulled with about eight minutes to go, and Rob held on for an 1,842-1,778 win.
The 3,620 combined points are the 23rd most ever scored in a contest and the 7th most in a game where neither team reached 2,000. For Griff, 1,778 points is the 10th most ever scored in a defeat.
1. TWO HEADED RUSHIN ATTACK (ROB M)
The hero of the day was Derrick Henry, who scored 506 points on 163 yards rushing and three touchdowns. The dude looks 22, not 32. We will see if he holds up all season, but that was an impressive opening.
Hurts didn’t match Williams (528), but there’s no shame in 376 fantasy points, three touchdown passes and 46 yards on the ground. Chase Brown chipped in 216 and owned the touches in the Cincy backfield.
Even Nico Collins looked good. He led the Texans in targets (10), catches (7) and yards (82), and he found the end zone on his way to 224 points. At WR2, Johnston’s 34 was the low water mark for the starters, so Nabers (138 off the bench) should probably be in that spot going forward. Warren can certainly do more at tight end too. This week, an ugly performance was saved by a late touchdown.
2. PREMIER LEAGUE CHAMPIONS (COLBY)
Fun fact. I checked in with three different AIs before the season. I submitted our draft and lineups and asked them to rank the teams. Colby’s results were…
Claude: #5
ChatGPT: #6
Gemini: #8
Thus proving yet again that I’m way smarter than AI.
This week I flirted with having Colby jump Masterson for the top spot, but in the end I couldn’t punish a guy who topped 1,800 and needed nearly all of it to win. Maybe next week, Colby.
What’s most impressive about this squad’s week one is the balance. Colby’s 1,880 was the highest total in the league and every important position contributed. Ignoring the kicker, Egbuka was the low scorer at 126 points. Six different starters topped 200 and two crossed 300.
The backs (Taylor, Skattebo) munched on touches. They combined for 39 of them and delivered 202 yards and three scores.
The two best tight ends this week, Likely (Matt) and Dallas Goedert (Colby), were both seventh round picks. Goedert was second on his team in targets (5) and catches (4), and his 77 yards and two touchdowns led the Eagles.
Yet the most important development was Chris Olave. Colby needs a legit WR1, and Olave certainly looked the part. He was targeted 13 times, caught 10 balls, and his 182 yards led the league in week one.
3. REAL MEN PRODUCE PORN (GRIFF)
When does a defeat feel like a win? When you lose and I still move you up nine spots in my rankings.
Despite the loss, Griff showed up and proved that his projected last place finish may have been a bit off. His two backs, Jeanty and Walker, both dominated, combining for 916 points, and nothing about either performance looks like a fluke.
Walker was fantastic. He had 191 yards and two scores for 502 points, and he did it all without playing the final eight minutes.
Even better, Jeanty got CMC level usage, finishing with 23 carries and a team high six catches.
He delivered 147 yards and two touchdowns, and his 414 fantasy points were a career high.
So the RB math for week one is 55 touches, 338 yards and four touchdowns.
Want more good news? Patrick Mahomes had a rough start on Monday. He was 4-of-14 at one point. But he finished by hitting 11 of his final 13 passes and nearly reached 300 fantasy points in a game where the Chiefs rode their new workhorse back.
Once he works out the kinks, watch out, Pat is back!
4. SPACE MONKEY MAFIA (BOB)
The wideouts did their part. Smith-Njigba and Jefferson both topped 300, combining for 16 catches, 214 yards and three scores.
Unfortunately, they were the only ones who showed up for Bob.
The Chargers D got rolled over by the Cardinals (14 points), Pitts was shut out, and Herbert was lucky to reach 196.
Yet the biggest concern was the backfield. Both McCaffrey and Price looked good with the ball in their hands. The rookie averaged 5.2 yards per carry and CMC averaged 6.8. The problem? Neither got enough touches.
McCaffrey finished with 10 carries while his backup got 14. In Seattle, the Seahawks ran it 20 times (not counting the quarterback) and Price got exactly half of them.
You can’t make noise in fantasy without volume.
5. DUDELOVE (MICHAEL)
The good news is that Bijan Robinson will always get his, no matter how bad Atlanta’s offense is. In a game where the Falcons scored 13 points, he still managed 173 combined yards and the team’s only touchdown for 406 fantasy points. He actually outscored every other player in Atlanta, including the QB, backup RB, the TE and all the receivers.
Lamar Jackson also looked great, and the Ravens offense looked far better than last year. Jackson ran it some (40 yards and a score) and added 324 yards passing and another touchdown, all while his best wideout sat after the second quarter.
And of course, McBride looked like McBride (9-95-1).
The problem is that everything we were worried about is still worth worrying about. Jonathan Brooks had a 48-yard reception, but he was nothing more than a backup. He got four carries, third most on the team, while Hubbard was clearly the feature back.
Then there are those receivers. McLaurin and Thomas managed five combined catches for 54 yards. The issue in both games was the quarterback’s desire to spread it around. In Washington, nine different receivers caught a ball. In Jacksonville, ten different dudes caught a ball.
Michael won by 47, and the Steelers defense (251) was the difference.
6. CANKLES McTACO TITS (DON)
Does Don have the best backfield in fantasy? I won’t go that far, but Gibbs and Swift were the second best backs this week, both topping 400 points. Swift, despite surrendering 10 carries to his backup, still finished with 19 touches and three scores.
Yet Gibbs’s volume is just unfair. He had 34 total touches (29 on the ground) and finished with 186 yards and two scores. Without the fumble he would have been knocking on 500.
Combined, those two scored 910 points, which is more than my entire squad. That almost made up for his wideouts combining for 122. Almost. Don lost by 47.
Yet, despite cracking 1,500, Don lost because his receivers were a no-show (PIckens and Harrison combined for 122 points) and Bo Nix was awful. He finished with just 131 yards, two turnovers, getting sacked four times. If Don had Love in at starting QB, he wins easily.
Instead, for just the 8th time in his career, he topped 1,500, but lost.
7. ALLEN A ZAY’S WORK (ERIC)
Josh Allen finally looked like a great quarterback on the road, and he did it against one of the best defenses in the league. He finished with 334 yards passing and four total scores, two through the air and two on the ground. His 488 points were the best any starting quarterback put up in week one and the third highest score by any starter, behind only Henry and Walker.
On top of that, Zay Flowers looked amazing. He had 150 yards and a score before halftime.
Unfortunately, he got hurt. It’s a hamstring, so it’s doubtful he ends up on the IR.
Hampton got lead back touches, but the Chargers offense was a mess and he finished with just 43 yards. Kyren Williams looked good, though Corum had 10 rushes to Williams’s 11.
If the Rams backfield is now a timeshare, that’s bad news for Eric. The Texans defense going for -9 didn’t help either, and Eric still won by 257.
8. CHOKE ME HARDER DADDY TRUMP (MATT)
Neatock earned the win, although not everything was golden. Barkley failed to dominate (80 yards, no scores), McMillan played second fiddle to a rookie, and Smith looked like the same old Smith in Philly.
However, David Montgomery dominated touches in Houston and scored on two goal line opportunities. His 338 points led Matt’s team. And Isaiah Likely looked like the best tight end not named McBride. He caught all eight of his targets for 78 yards and two scores.
9. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C)
Sometimes you just need to be lucky rather than good, and sometimes it comes down to good decisions. This week, Calderon rolled with Goff over Stafford and Johnson over Strange. Those two calls gave Rich an extra 240 points in a game he won by 200.
That’s the good news. The bad news…
Both Cook and Achane looked fine on Sunday, but the touches weren’t there. Achane got 11 carries and Cook settled for 13. Neither cleared 140 fantasy points.
Calderon’s success will ride or die with his backs, and 24 combined carries isn’t going to get it done. His hands (Adams, Higgins and Johnson) combined for eight catches, although Johnson did deliver a touchdown. He also left Christian Watson and 414 points on the bench, so now he has even more decisions to make each week.
10. FOOTBALL? (JEFF)
Jeff left a lot of points on his pine. Dart scored 420, Washington delivered 226 and Kincaid had 260. Start any two of those guys and Jeff probably wins. His bench outscored his starters, 1,254 to 1,214. Nobody is going to fault him for starting Burrow over Dart, London over Washington and Fannin over Kincaid, but that’s a rough way to find out.
While Hall looked solid (24 touches for 296) and St. Brown did what St. Brown does (10-67-2 for 254), there are concerns. Warren outplayed Dowdle and still got only 10 carries.
For Atlanta, London saw just four targets, though that was with Cooper Rush at quarterback.
And the Browns passing game looks like a joke, which is bad news for Fannin.
Don’t be surprised to see wholesale lineup changes in week two.
11. THUNDERPANTS (RICH B)
Burrier got hit with a double dose of bad news. He lost Bowers before the guy even played a game, then lost A.J. Brown halfway through the Patriots’ first contest. Bowers is out for a game or two. Brown landed on IR.
Trevor Lawrence and Javonte Williams did what they could to keep Rich afloat. Lawrence carved up a bad Browns team for 245 yards and four touchdowns, and his 398 points were the high mark in that matchup. Williams added 72 total yards and two scores for 264.
Unfortunately, Chase was a no show in Cincy, held to two catches for 12 yards, and Ferguson, filling in for Bowers, managed 12 fantasy points.
When your kicker (170) outscores five of your starters, it was not your week.
12. PUKA AND THE JEWS (ROBIO)
I could make a great argument that this was one of the worst products I have ever put on the field in this league. My 823 was the lowest total of the week by 200 points.
At running back, neither of my guys was good. Love had 13 touches to Allgeier’s 19, although Love finished with more fantasy points thanks to a touchdown. In Green Bay, Marshawn Lloyd didn’t get the start but ended up with more touches than the guy who did, and he still managed just 37 yards on 13 carries.
Meanwhile, Maye tossed three of the worst interceptions I have ever seen in the second half, Lamb and Nacua barely showed up, Loveland had one target and zero catches in a game the Bears scored 59, and the Rams defense got run over by the 49ers.
It’s going to be a long season.