The first overall pick…you have to earn it by really sucking worse than everyone else the year before. You should be embarrassed to earn it, but luckily for those that do, there is typically a big pay off. In fact, the success rate of the teams who have the first pick is one of the…
2017 PLAYER SALARIES
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2017 Team Keeper Rankings
You keep ’em, I rank ’em. That’s how this works. 1. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH CALDERON) DeMarco Murray, RB | TEN – Round 3 Jordan Reed, TE | WAS – Round 9 Matt Ryan, QB | ATL – Round 11 DEEP THOUGHTS When you’re serving up keepers, you really want to nail down three legit starters…
Team Rankings | 2017 Edition
Wins, top seeds, scoring crowns and championships…things we should all be thriving for. These are the tools we use to judge one another. That’s it. You’re a big time Hollywood director? Who gives a fuck! Average over 1,500 per game in a season and then count me as impressed. Are you married to a beautiful…
2017 Keeper Options
Here are your 2017 KEEPER OPTIONS. First, you’re welcome…for putting these all on one document. Just one of the many brave and wonderful things I do. Just to remind you, each team can keep three players; one player from one of the three categories. A player can be on your roster a total of three…
THE MUGLESS | 2017 EDITION
Before we get to those who have yet to win a championship, let’s be sure to honor those who have. That list includes… CHAMPIONS Bob Castrone – 2004, 2010, 2011, 2014 Robio Murray – 1999, 2000, 2002, 2012 Rich Calderon – 2013, 2016 Griff Coomer – 2005, 2015 Matt Neatock – 2007, 2009 Don Vozzola – 2006, 2008…
The Record Book Update | 2016 Edition
Okay kids, let’s take a look back at those stats that made their way onto the record books. We had three 2,000-point efforts in 2016. They were… Calderon beat Neatock, 2,079 – 1,474 in week four. The 2,079 were the 29th most points scored in a game. Griff scored 2,052 in a 2,052 – 1,071…
Those Damn Running Backs
Matt Neatock, husband, friend, anti-immigrant zealot and the guy who once tried drafting the league’s #2 wide receiver in the eleventh round during the infamous Harlem draft. Of course, he’s the same Matt Neatock who has won two championships and drafted some of the best late-round picks in league history. My point…he’s a paradox, wrapped…
2016 Draft Rewind
The 2016 season is over and it’s time to take a walk back into history and see how we all did in the draft Round 1 1 DON – Ezekiel Elliott RB DAL | Position Rank: #1 So yeah, this worked out for Don, especially when you see how bad some things went for other…
2016 Ranked Seasons | Updated
Here is the updated season’s rankings…all 212 of them. Yep, we’ve officially played 212 seasons in this league. If you finished among the top-53, congratulations, you either won a championship or delivered an elite season that failed to deliver a mug. If your season is ranked between 54-106, be proud. You made the playoffs. You are…
Rich Calderon is Your Champion
The Dick-Taters (Calderon) and No Respect (Jeff) were neck and neck all season long, but in the season’s final game, it wasn’t even close. THE GAME Rich Calderon won the 2016 Robioland Football Championship, easily dispatching Jeff Greenblatt, 1,849 – 1,180. While Le’Veon Bell continued to dominate like he did all season, scoring 394 points…
2016 Title Game Predictions
Let’s be honest, did you ever expect to see Jeff’s name in any kind of championship game preview in football? It’s weird, right? It has the feel of a high school team letting the kid with down syndrome score the game’s final, unchallenged, touchdown. Yet, he earned it. He earned it bigly. As did Rich…
2016 Season Rewind
WEEK ONE ROB M (W) ERIC (L) 1454 – 1120 MATT (L) ROBIO (W) 1413 – 1461 MOLLY (W) COLBY (L) 1687 – 1534 DON (L) BOB (W) 1352 – 1395 RICH B (L) RICH C (W) 1008 – 2030 JEFF (W) GRIFF (L) 1902 – 1253 TUESDAY THOUGHT Happy Tuesday everyone and what a…
2016 Semifinals Predictions
So what, do I not get any props for being 4-0 in my quarterfinal picks? Fuck yeah, all four teams I projected to advanced, did. Now I know you’re just dying to hear what I have to say about the semifinals #1 NO RESPECT VS #6 WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMI 2016 RECORD – Jeff:…
Single Game Performances | Running Backs
Le’Veon Bell is God’s gift to fantasy…or at least he was Bob’s gift to Calderon in 2015. So far, that present has paid off huge. Despite missing three games, the Steelers running back earned a third-team All-Robio award this year. Yet, who would have guessed that the regular season was just the warm-up act, as…
2016 Players
David Johnson proved to be one of the best keepers this league has seen, leading not only all running backs in points, but all players in points. [table id=560 /]
2016 Playoffs | It’s Really Anyone’s Ballgame
Rich Calderon dominated in points this season, only falling short of the record in the season’s final week. Meanwhile, Jeff won 11 games and came up just 0.6 points shy of averaging 1,500 points per game. Yet, would anyone really be shocked if either of these two teams lost to Eric Vozzola (v Calderon) or…
HISTORY OF THE TEAM NAME:
Team names…the only thing Masterson can dominate in fantasy football. Yet, do you know what the best part about it all? Bob’s dominate this league more than 50 Shades of Grey if it was directed by Tom Six, yet the bastard still gets pissed when his cleverly named teams don’t win “Best Team Name” award. I…
2013 All-Robio Teams
With the regular season over, it’s time to talk about the elites of the elite. Here are your first, second and third All-Robio teams. Jeff ends the year with the most (4), although Calderon is right behind him (3). Oddly enough, neither had a first-team player. Masterson also had four, although one was a kicker,…
Greatest Teams to Miss the Playoffs
At its base, of course, football is entertainment, not a search for truth. If we really cared about the best team walking away with a mug, we would just play a 16-game season, have no head-to-head and whoever had the most points…wins. Boring! Instead, we have weekly battles, we put eight teams into the playoffs…
Manic Monday
In the grand scheme of the 2016 season, this week’s results may have no impact on the eventual results, who knows really, but what happened week nine’s Monday night is something this league has never seen before and probably won’t see again. Heading into the Bills/Seahawks game in Seattle, four teams had leads (Neatock technically…
Jamaal Charles | We’ll Miss Ya, Buddy
In case you missed it, the Kansas City Chiefs place Jamaal Charles on injured reserve, as he continued to struggle to comeback from a 2015 week five ACL tear. A current owner of Spencer Ware, I couldn’t have been more happier, but even as I celebrate with a bottle of Zima and a bucket of Cheesy…
IF THE PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY…
Why am I already doing a “if the playoffs started today,” post? It’s only week nine. I’m insane, right? Yes. However, even though we’ve only played eight weeks of fantasy football, I’m pretty confident one person (Jeff) has already locked up a playoff spot. While I’m not willing to do the math, for him to…
2016 Mid-Season Report | Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Okay, let’s take a walk back and checkout those completely wrong preseason rankings and ask the one question that matters for each team moving forward? MY PRESEASON PREDICTIONS TRUCK NUTZ (GRIFF) I thought stud All-Robio players like Newton, Peterson, Johnson and Beckham would crush all of our souls. Right now, only David Johnson is living…
2016 Mid-Season Report | All-Cut, All-Add Team
No one (except 2009 Matt Neatock) wins a championship with just a draft. To take home the wire, one needs to know how to work the wire. BEST MID-SEASON CUT-BUT-ADDED PLAYERS PLAYER: Jimmy Graham CUT BY WHOM: Robio – week one PICK UP BY: Rob M – week one ($4) With Greg Olsen, I didn’t need a backup…
2016 Mid-Season Report | All-Injured Team
Injuries…they’re part of the game. At my age, I know all about them. I strained my wrist the other day after going to the bathroom. What can I say, heavy lifting. Here are the league’s biggest injuries this season and the players meant to replace them. ALL-INJURY TEAM QUARTERBACK – Russell Wilson, SEA | Rich…
2016 Mid-Season Report | All-Robio Teams
Officially, we play 13 games in the regular season, so if you want to be honest, the real mid-season is around mid-afternoon on Sunday during week six. Since I can’t pump out a bunch of writings in the middle of the day, I decided that seven weeks in seems like a good time for mid-season…
First Overall Picks | A Oral History
Welcome to another exclusive Robio Murray list, that will surely provide five to ten minutes of entertainment, depending on your reading skills. Today, I offer you a history of the first overall pick. Let’s get the ball rolling with a few fun facts. In the league’s first year, I picked my name out of a…
It’s 4-0 vs 4-0…It’s on!!!
It’s the matchup that no one has dreamt about, because let’s face it, prior to the start of the season, if there was going to be a battle of unbeaten teams, it was going to be Griff vs Bob. Yet, here we are. It’s Rob v Rob. It’s 4-0 vs 4-0. It’s a matchup that…
Worst Starts in League History | 2017 Edition
We talked about the best starts in league history, so now let’s go with the league’s worst starts in league history. Oddly enough, despite being the team in the league with the most wins, my name appears often on this list, along with Eric. Griff and I have been to over half the title games,…
2016 Robioland Football Predictions
Congratulations to Griff Coomer for winning the 2016 Fantasy Football Championship. It was a stunning season, as Coomer became the third person to earn back-t0-back championships, earning both the top seed and the scoring crown. Without a doubt, we’re witnessing the beginning of a dynasty and…wait…I know this was a lot of people have been…
The Worst of the Worst
Heading into the draft, this is where the nerves kick in. This is when you come to realize that if you fuck this up, if you fail yourself and your team by drafting a God-awful squad, you just ruined four months of your life. We’ve all been there, so let’s take a walk down tragedy…
Results By Pick
Is there any one perfect draft spot? Maybe it’s picking first overall? I’ve pointed out in the past that it has produced great results? Yet, what about picking seventh or even last? Is there one spot in the draft everyone wished they could pick at? This post will try to answer this question and probably…
2016 Player Salaries
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2016 Team Keeper Rankings
Keepers are in. The season has officially begun and it’s never too early to starting thinking about what photo you want to use on your championship mug and it’s certainly not too soon to begin panicking and questioning why you constantly put yourself through this, imagining how much better your life would be without fantasy…
2015 Keeper Rankings
In 2015, 25 total players were kept, barely over two per team. It’s the lowest amount of keepers the league has kept since 2007. Yet, we still went into panic mode, declaring all the stars were gone before the draft even begun. However, that’s why we play the game. Yes, one keeper earned first-team All-Robio,…
Complete 2016 Team Rankings
Here are you complete 2016 Team Rankings…all on one convenient page. You’re welcome, America. 1. BOB CASTRONE He recently just learned that you can’t get a girl pregnant through a blowjob, he believes the film Fletch is overrated and he dominates this league so thoroughly, he makes 50 Shades of Gray feel like a Disney film, he’s…
2016 TEAM RANKINGS: #1 Bob Castrone
He recently just learned that you can’t get a girl pregnant through a blowjob, he believes the film Fletch is overrated and he dominates this league so thoroughly, he makes 50 Shades of Gray feel like a Disney film, he’s Bob Castrone. With the recent fall of your commissioner, Bob has become the undisputed king of Robioland. He’s…
2016 Team Rankings | #2 Griff Coomer
He needs a gun to make up for his impotence, small children cower when he’s near and he’s your defending champ, so go fuck yourself…he’s Griff Coomer. Yep, he’s now #2 in the league and there is no question he belongs one spot ahead of me. Sure I got more championships and I still lead…
2016 Team Rankings: #3 Robio Murray
I’m the commissioner, I masturbate like it’s profitable and lately I’m more likely to earn a free lap dance with my boyish charm than win an actual fantasy football game…I am Robio Murray. Man, this game use to be easy. Winning seasons and playoff appearances were foregone conclusions. Scoring titles were my thing and I…
2016 Team Rankings: #4 Matt Neatock
He’s tall, he’s bald and he was voted most likely to overbid on every item on The Price is Right…he’s Matt Neatock. Unable to live down an attempt to draft Torry Holt (a top-5 wide receiver at the time) in the 12th round, Matt’s reputation has suffered for years, yet this is a guy who has…
2016 Team Rankings: #5 Rich Calderon
He’s a part-time vegan, sometimes nudist and most likely danced to Donna Summers during his high school prom…he’s Rich “don’t call me Burrier” Calderon. Okay, you get the “best team to never win a title” monkey off your back, so what do you do for an encore? If you’re Rich Calderon…not much. For a long…
2016 Team Rankings: #6 Colby Hall
He’s a legend in his own mind, a mock draft monster that’s only happy when he’s wearing nipple clamps for brunch…he’s Colby Hall. Colby has always seemed to live in a bubble in this league. For a long time, he lived in a bubble with Molly and Masterson, but that threesome has begun to separate…
2016 Team Rankings | #7 Rob Masterson
He was the real-life inspiration for Dolomite, old people and pregnant women give up their subway seats for him and I naturally assume when my wife wants to orgasm, she thinks of him…he’s Rob Masterson. Rob’s beginnings in this league were of the positive sort. After two straight seasons advancing to the semis, he looked…
2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #8 RICHARD BURRIER
He’s handsome, hairy and probably has spent more money than anyone else in this league on lapdances…he’s Richard Burrier. Burrier is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, rubbed with butter. He’s just tough to nail down, is all I’m trying to say. Here’s a guy who has produced just two winning seasons since 2007. Only Jeff…
2016 Team Rankings | #9 Molly Coomer
She’s a chick, she’s inked up and now the only person she dislikes more than Bob, has to be Griff. For years, the New Yorkers have accused Molly of being either her husband’s pawn or his second team. Neither was true, but she’s definitely been living in the fantasy football shadow of one of the…
2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #10 DON VOZZOLA
He’s the league’s oldest member by a lot, he was voted in his fraternity, “most like to go on a shooting spree” and he’s the first of what I hope are many league members who will come out of the closet…because when you think of Robioland Football, I want you to think diversity. Of course,…
How Low Can You Go?
How bad can it get? It’s not a rhetorical question. It’s a serious one and it’s one we know the answer to. It’s 757. That number: It’s an model of aircraft. It’s a typical season ending score for Calderon. It’s the number of times Matt has jerked off to his championship mugs (just this week).…
2016 TEAM RANKINGS | #11 ERIC VOZZOLA
He’s the youngest member of Robioland Football, he’s a loyal Trumo supporter and remains one of the few who is still allowed legally to be within 200-yards of a middle school. He’s Eric Vozzola. Thanks to a solid 2015, where Eric earned a three-seed, he was able to move out of the Robioland Football basement…
2016 KEEPERS
Welcome to the 2016 Keeper Options. Like always, you can keep up to three players: one in rounds 1-5, one in rounds 6-10 and one in rounds 11-15. if you see one of these (*), that’s a player who at one point was redshirted. If you see a (C) next to the round, that means…